Tom Arnold, Bammer for a Day

By J.M. Comer
Found on The Tide Druid’s blog:

Transcription
Roll Tide. (Gears turn in that big fat waterhead as he stands teetering in place. Swaying from intoxication. “Am I saying this right?” He panics. A failure blend of coke and alcohol courses through his system. Arnold’s bloodshot eyes dart quickly to the side. What am I supposed [...]

Secrets to Success! NFL Money! Motivation! Reach Your Full Potential! We’re Gonna Teach the Hell Out of You! In Your Mind!

By J.M. Comer
An uplifting summer seminar organized by Alabama Head Coach Nick Saban

Reach for that crystal trophy!
Do you want to reach your FULL POTENTIAL on the football field? Well, you’ve gotta get that first touchdown … in your MIND! Aiight? There is no depth chart. You are all FIRST TEAM players to me. But at [...]

I Believe

Gettin’ Polytechnic with Wikipedia Karen

I wrote something the other day about finding an old photo of a Heisman-coached Auburn team in an 1897 issue of Harper’s Weekly magazine. I called it Auburn’s first national press. Then came Wikipedia Karen. There is no such thing as Auburn, said Karen. Auburn is made-up. That was the A&M College of Alabama. And [...]

“Knowing Jimmy like I know him…”

After the arrest for dealing cocaine, after the revelation of his violation of NCAA eligibility requirements by incorporating his football persona into the marketing of his pit bull operation, the hidden track to the increasingly sordid Jimmy Johns affair could possibly be the status of his relationship to Lee Thomas, the Tuscaloosa resident who described [...]

Tired of Seeing Overpriced Dogs with Poor Qualities?

“Hi Jimmy, are they treating you well? Um… well look, real quick… we need your password.”
I heard it mentioned by a caller yesterday on Finebaum, but misunderstood; I thought “The Linebacker Bullies” was the name of Jimmy Johns’ cartel or something, and couldn’t find anything about it.
But leave it to the investigative champion of the [...]

Well, I’ll tell ya’ Eee-Lah…

After a game, I huff as fast as I can up Bragg Ave. to get to my car — I park at the end of Sanders Street. I open the door and jam the key in and crank it up and find the station — I do that even before the cigar. I mean, I’ll [...]

Beat Me, Whip Me, Call Me Helen!

Buried deep in the feminine furor lies the reason for it all: a soldier, a Bama fan, asked him to.
Gross.
So broken is the Bama Nation, so used to it, their relationship with Tommy Tuberville has officially blossomed into full-tilt masochism.
“One guy said, `I’m an Alabama guy, but go ahead and put up seven anyway,’” [...]

Slipping Between Our Paws

By J.M. Comer
While breaking down and looking over this week’s signing day haul, it’s hard to see the silver lining for Auburn. I tried to find positives, some way to spin it — but I’m having trouble. Auburn was knocked down by Alabama’s signing class. The Crimson Tide took over control of Alabama, burning Auburn [...]

Re-Krootin’!, or How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love Big Brother

By Big Sexy
It’s official — Auburn has yet again been proven to be the little brother in the state of Alabama. Yep, the celebration of the latest in a long series of highly dubious yet much lauded national championships for the Crimson Tide will begin in earnest this weekend, although the party has been rockin’ [...]