Tag Archives: Aubie

TWER Sez: Everybody Wants Some

By J.M. Comer

You people are horn-dogs. Horny, horny bastards and bastardettes (meaning the ladies, or is there another term? I forget).

And I love it.

Why am I saying these things? Well, you people prove my bold assertion week in and week out.

The streaking-Playboy-coed-swimsuit stories seem to always populate our top-viewed posts (see “Top Posts” at right-hand side below).

Perverts! Blinded by the power of sex! All of you!

But, in a bold move to glue more eyes to the electric sex of the Internets and give ‘em what they want, we here at The War Eagle Reader offer … ahem … dim the lights please …

Remember those carefree fall days in college, rolling in the dead grass with Auburn cheerleaders? Sure, we all do. The cold grasp of the autumn air, and the smell of dead leaves and Lady Speed Stick always triggers images like this one for me.

Hot! Hot! Hot! I think two of them are making out in the left corner. Incredible. It’s probably best not to dwell too long on this photo. Something might short circuit. Isn’t your bible study class tonight? This photographer was in the right place at the right time. Pulitzer Prizes are won for such photographed moments.

Ladies, looking for a mysterious Auburn fan with passion? This grimace comes in two flavors: post-touchdown or mid-coitus.

TWER offers Tip #37 to all the playahs: Throw on your old, battle-worn Auburn ball cap; hit the party rockin’ it; and thank us later. To all the ladies: You cannot resist.

I’m hoping that this is the photo that bumps this post to the top. There is no way in hell it’s real. The tattoo is definitely Photoshopped on her and the Tiger in the background was clearly added too, but this is my ringer. I’m playing to the crowd.

Clearly, this photo is the real deal. Tigerwalkin’ Kenny Irons says, “Take my hand and I’ll show you pleasures you’ve never known.”

And finally, the tiger, the myth, the legend, Auburn Stud Numero Uno, Aubie. ‘Nuff said.

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Filed under Diversions / Investigations, General

An Indecent Proposal?

By J.M. Comer

So the final tallies are in for EA Sports’ “NCAA Football ’09 Wii Cover Mascot Challenge” and Auburn placed 4th with Bama coming in 9th.

The winner of the 2009 cover? The Michigan State Spartans. Whoop-dee-dang-doodle-doo.

But I have an idea. Please follow along with me with an open mind. What if Aubie were to share the cover with Alabama’s Big Al? What if Auburn fans and Bama fans issued a petition to the video game makers for combining the two schools’ votes, thus, pushing the tally over the top?

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Big Al has let himself go recently.

I know, I know. Some of you just recoiled in disgust. But I’m thinking of more of an Iron Bowl motif. And wouldn’t it look dynamic to have the rival schools facing off on the cover? Wouldn’t this move help out sales of the game (listen up EA!) by appealing to two fan bases instead of one? Of course, as a starting point in the Auburn-Bama petition negotiations, I would suggest that since Auburn received more votes than Bama, that Aubie should get three-fifths of the Wii cover, or Aubie gets the upper hand in mascot high jinx, or Aubie gets to stand in the foreground, raising a number 6, as Big Al sulks in his two-fifths of space. Just random, unbiased thoughts.

Can we put together an online petition? Can we span the Auburn-Bama blog and fan divide to push for a bigger cause … a bigger, nerdy, video game cause?

I’m throwing it out there. What are your thoughts about this proposal? Is there someone out there that frequents Bama blogs … an ambassador that can speak for Auburn blog/message board nation?

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Wii Wuz Robbed

J.M. nailed it, we wuz robbed. “Buffest Mascot?” — Did he also win “Greenest Mascot” by Green Magazine, or “Spartaniest Mascot” from Spartan Magazine? I’m sorry, but human costume mascots suck. Why not have an actually buff real MSU student dressed up like a Spartan… if you have any…

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You want a real mascot, a real man, a real show? Then you want Aubie. Screw the vote, you want Aubie…

Watch him here make fun of that nancy Syracuse Orange, teleport from blond to blond to blond, and then hop in a jacuzzi with some ’80s action. Wii demand a recount…

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Toomer’s Rumors and Boomers – 3.17.08

It’s a little slow right now. Spring Break. You can actually drive around town. You can get some stuff done.

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I honestly can’t remember where I got this picture, but it’s great. If you know whose it is, or if it’s yours, let me know and I’ll give full credit.

*** I slammed on the brakes in front of Anders Friday to let Tristan Davis cross the street. I rolled the passenger-side window down and when he stepped up on the campus-side curb I yelled “touchdown!” Alright, that I made up, but he did give me the “thank you” nod and we totally did “War Eagle” each other with our eyes. He seems to be walking fine. Also, I swear I saw the Snorg girl or someone very much like the Snorg girl at Mike and Ed’s yesterday.

*** Polls are closed on the Wii cover vote. J.M. pointed out that now, when you go to the page, and start through the motions, it lists the “current standings” and has Aubie 4th out of 10. But since the winner won’t be announced until Tuesday, the 18th, it makes me wonder whether the online vote is simply one component factoring into their decision. It’s either that, or they found some hanging chads and are counting votes by hand.

*** I’m working on a new idea for a series, nothing too special, but hopefully fun.

In the meantime, enjoy this bizarre but AUsome new rap…

R33se he ain’t, but War Eagle.

Happy St. Patrick’s Day.

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POLLS CLOSE IN TWO DAYS – VOTE FOR AUBIE

You’ve got two more days, till Friday. Send it around, spread the word. Bama thinks they have a shot. They don’t.

Come on, right now.

And then watch this video, highlights from 1990. What a beast, what a beautiful beast. Thank you, Phil Neel. And thank you God…

Girls on Spring Break. Blow-up dolls. Getting arrested after performing at Yo-MTV Raps. Crowd surfing. Rescuing a girl from a burning Haley Center. If Nintendo saw this, it’d be over. He’d probably have his own game.

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Toomer’s Rumors and Boomers – 2.26.08

*** Highlights from the basketball win over Bama – my favorites being Quan Prowell’s tomahawk jam, Frank Tolbert’s Jedi pass to Rasheem Barrett after getting the ball stripped from him, and Lucas Hargrove’s suck-it bucket from 35 ft. out.

*** No Guarantee: Just prior to learning of an even more recent arrest of one of his football players, Alabama coach Nick Saban, in an interview with Kevin Scarbinsky, said that Tide player Jeremy Elder, accused of robbing two fellow Alabama students at gun-point, would be banned from any and all football related activity at the Capstone… for at least one year. Scarbinsky appears to be impressed with Saban’s pre-trial sentencing of Elder and seems to shape the piece so as to herald, 8 arrests after his arrival, Saban’s new zero-tolerance policy for criminality:

“No meetings, practices or games. No football-related activities at all. And no guarantee he’ll ever suit up for Alabama again.”

Only thing is, it seems unlikely any edict from Saban would have anything to with it.

This is not some victim-less DUI charge — Elder has been charged with, and reportedly confessed to committing, a Class A Felony, which, when committed with a firearm, carries a punishment in the state of Alabama of “not less than 20 years.”

If Saban is open to the possibility of Elder’s innocence, even in light of his confession — and judging from later quotes in Scarbinsky’s piece, I doubt that — but is preemptively giving him the “at least a year” treatment to look tough for the media, well, that’s kinda screwed up. Is he unaware of the magnitude of Elder’s situation? For 26 bucks, the kid will likely be locked up for several, several years and therefore quite unable to play college football next year, the year after that, and the year after that.

Or is it that Saban is counting on a far lesser punishment for Elder, who is only 19, if his attorney wins him youthful offender status? If so, does that mean that, by the sole virtue of a technicality in the legal language, someone like Elder, after all this, could still have a place on Nick Saban’s football team?

Am I missing something, or is Saban?

We shall hopefully find out at this afternoon – the Nicktator has called a press-conference.

*** More vigorous urging to vote for a certain someone from testosterone-rich TWER reader Michael Ingram (thanks Michael):

Gentlemen,
As any living-breathing digitally-aware testosterone-rich man-child knows, EA Sports owns the wildly successful “Madden NFL” game franchise. This game is played on just about every platform – from PS to XP. But for those of us southern-bred, hard-core college football fans who hold at least a moderate pustule of venom in our heart of hearts for professional football, we secretly prefer the “NCAA” version of this popular franchise which features college teams.
EA Sports moved carefully into the new platform arena of Nintendo Wii with only Madden NFL. The Wii features a dynamic motion-sensitive controller that favors user-action over frenetic button-mashing. The Wii console is made famous by the legendary reports of over-excited folks flinging their “Wii-motes” through their television screens during game play. Madden for Wii is played through motions which simulate passing, tackling, and spinning.
Alas, for the hard-core college fan, there is no NCAA-version featuring the opportunity to sack Tebow, or replay the 2007 AU-GA Black Death.
But hold on, sports fans! EA Sports has just announced plans to release the NCAA franchise on Wii. But the really exciting news is that they are looking for a mascot – one mascot - to feature on the cover of every single game. So, while the long-lasting NCAA franchise (reaching back to the late 90′s) has never featured an Auburn icon, now there is a chance to promote Auburn’s best-known: AUBIE.
Follow this link, and vote daily for AUBIE:
War Damn Eagle!!

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Filed under Auburn Basketball, Toomer's Rumors and Boomers

Toomer’s Rumors and Boomers – 2.21.08

*** Time to vote for Aubie again, this time so the ol’ boy can be the cover boy of EA Sports NCAA ’09 Football for the Nintendo Wii. Only once a day, yeah, yeah…

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*** What Not To Wear, Bama-style: So first, it’s reported that poor Jeremy Elder was wearing, yes, a houndstooth-style Bama baseball cap while allegedly robbing two fellow Alabama students, who identified him by viewing security camera footage from, yes, Bryant Hall… and then their Singing Day Trophy Wife, testifying in a murder trial, takes it up a notch of bizarre by showing up to court in an Oklahoma sweatshirt — as in Sooners (but it’s OK, say Bama fans – he reportedly had a Bama shirt on underneath).

jjsweatshirt

Overall, a pretty ferosh week for the Tide…

*** Aww hell no, Tuberville to Arkansas!

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Filed under Toomer's Rumors and Boomers

Toomer’s Rumors and Boomers – 2.11.08

*** Top 10 Reasons It’s Awesome at Auburn Basketball games:

10) Easy spotting of Auburn luminaries.

9) You can walk on the court after the game as long as you look official / really tall.

8 ) You can pretty much sit wherever you want.

7) Aubie lets loose in ways he can’t at football games, e.g. sliding ten feet on the floor to bowl through the Tiger Paws, whom he harasses all night.

6) Kid friendly, free stuff everywhere.

5) Trough-style urinals still in full-effect.

4) Great timeout and halftime entertainment – Saturday night it was a world-renowned hypnotist and I think he really did something to those kids, cause, oh, man, the girl in the orange shirt (Indian perhaps?) who was told she was a Pussycat Doll, man, I am so in love. Anyone YouTube that? Photos?

3) 17 players… 172 fingers.

2) Frank Tolbert’s indignant “come-on-ref!” hand-jives when he’s really pumped up…

1) Up by 20 or down by 20, Auburn Spirit and the fight, the passion of youth floods the court every dang game, and that more than anything makes it worth whatever the market-driven ticket pricers, who’s judgments seem based purely on anticipated demand, ask. (I was given free tickets, right at the door, to the first two games I went to; there was a sign saying “$10 bucks” at the Presbyterian game, but the old man only asked for $5, the girl next to him look puzzled; Kentucky was $20, Miss. State $15, an adventure every time!)

War Damn Eagle.

*** In his latest column, commemorating Alabama’s 1,001st National Championship, Paul Finebaum is in classic form, returning as he does to what he knows best: Sabanphilia, fetishistic insistence that Tommy Tuberville’s doesn’t care about Auburn, and sadistic, repeated analysis of Tuberville’s annual hunting trip to Arkansas, which Paul now not only credits with costing Tuberville his credibility with Auburn fans (because he should have been back home fighting the rumor Finebaum himself started about his undeniable, completely right and natural interest in the Arkansas job) but with costing Auburn recruiting glories a la Bama.

I knew it wasn’t the spread, Enrique, but you could have just told us — it was the hunting trip.

*** The 1984 Florida State game. Watch the video, it’s totally worth the 9 minutes. This “wild and woolly shootout in Doak Campbell Stadium” game was not, for some reason, televised, a fact to which Jim Fyffe in part credited his early popularity – people were so dependent upon him to color for them what turned out to, really, be an insane game, that the affection that might have taken a few more years to really set in was established and solidified in just one night. And color it he did – indeed, his call of the final touchdown is possibly my favorite ever, though the audio here does it little justice. However, Workcake’s soundtrack for the video as a whole is great. Also, you’ve gotta love Dye’s nonchalant Fonzy-styled celebration… and man, Fullwood (Bo was hurt), and Freddy Freakin’ Weygand… beautiful.

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Filed under Auburn Basketball, General, Recruiting, Toomer's Rumors and Boomers

Aubie: Mascot, Adulterer? (TWER Goes Tabloid)

If Aubie is so happily married…

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… then what is he whisperin’ and why is she smilin’?

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Good Moon Rising?

by J. Henderson

Frothy mugs of satisfaction were passed around in our throats and our skin crawled with the moonlight joy of ‘just winning’ and the beauty is that, in the end, we won handedly – the way these sorts of games are supposed to be won, up in the 50s, 55-20 to be exact. And that was a pretty decent team – did you know that early in the second quarter, Auburn had 71 yards to NSMU’s 266? (Thank you, new scoreboard, it does add an extra dimension.) It took until the final minutes of the game for us to catch them.

There were no boos, there were cheers all around and for the first time this season, our children did not have to ask their Dads if Auburn had the ball, they knew it and they could hear it and yelled accordingly. Yes Billy, we had the ball and we finally did something with it. And when New Mexico State had the ball, the one-man We of Jonathan Wilhite took it from them a couple of times, important times.

It was a beautiful, windy night. It did not rain. The moon was everywhere. And I mean, yeah, we all knew – when it was over, and when we racing home for the Bama loss that would swing life even more back into focus, when through the streets and gravel and the cigar smoke and headlights we jumped up and down and “War Eagle’d” from the balconies, yeah, we knew that it was it was just New Mexico State, and that’s almost why it was so New Year’s Eve and everything: it goes back to that ‘religion, purified’ idea. This is Auburn Football 2007 and the joy is in the journey, the joy is in being a fan.

So, I saw things. I saw beautiful throws, dropped balls, caught balls. If Robert Dunn can ever thaw out his hands, he will be a great player, but I say that the dropping of passes – in the numbers, in the hands, it doesn’t seem to matter – is by far our largest offensive tumor.

I saw tough running. I saw Mario Fannin make tacklers wish they played another position and I stayed to see his stat padding sideline scamper. I saw Ben Tate play like a man, I saw Jerraud Powers kill one, several.

[replay of first TD]

I saw New Mexico State turn Brandon Cox’s comeback fumble into a touchdown in one play but during that blinding, 60 second psychotropic nightmare, I heard nary a single boo, no, instead I heard bone-snapping, sinew-raping, personal growth. I saw the coaches put him back him. It was fragrant.

We are by no means great, and have only put a small down payment on being good, but Auburn winked towards Gainesville tonight, did you see it? Probably about the time the lucky, and banged up Gators pulled back into town, did you feel it? A 7pm game? Stars? Aligning? 1994? It would have made much more cosmic sense had Lester been returned to the active fold in time for the Gators, but you know, maybe not – whether or not he has anything directly to do with it, this has been Tuberville’s style… don’t opt for the easy cosmic sense, go double or nothin’, we’ll see that four game suspension and raise you two more, a single player does not patented Auburn Drama ® make. And hopefully, oh so hopefully, Tristan’s toe will be healed and the state of Florida will know Speed – biblically. And maybe the return of Blackmon?

I’ve been predicting it from the beginning and by “it”, I mean a resounding win, but I digress.

Despite the notes from at least one ‘live blog‘ I’ve seen bemoaning a paltry turnout and even questioning the commitment of Auburn fans, Saturday night’s crowd was actually nearly 1,000 people larger than that at last week’s SEC opener against Mississippi State and it felt like it. Had this once-gimme-game – again, against New Mexico State – been the fourth of the shining season we had hoped for, I would almost guarantee you that it would have been several thousand less, even if played in the afternoon. While the nighttime aspect likely added to the atmospheric incentives for a significant portion of folks, the late start also probably kept many at home. And so I therefore think that, after two punch-in-the-gut losses in a row, the numbers – even more so than the “Brandon! Brandon! Brandon!’s” – speak a great deal of good about Auburn fans, and in the wake of the nauseating phenomenon of last week, it was a statement that needed to be made. The number of Auburn fans on-hand in Jordan-Hare Stadium to see the Tigers take on the New Mexico State Aggies at 6pm would not have fit inside the facilities provided for the fans of such teams as Oklahoma, Notre Dame, Texas A&M, Miami and Florida State, just to name a few. Do you read that? The biggest home games that Oklahoma, Notre Dame, Texas A&M, Miami, Florida State and zillions more have ever played were attended by at least a thousand less people than were spilling it all for the Auburn Tigers last night – against New Mexico State.

It was a good night, a good day, a good sleep, a good Sunday. We’re Auburn.

War Eagle. We have a busy week.

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