Is it A-Day ’07? No, it’s the Apple Store at The Summit.
And there’s activation problems too! Just like Nick!
“When people worry over the economy, just recall that folks stood in line for that by the hundreds and the media covered it breathlessly for two days.” — Kenny Smith
By J. Henderson
Hmm… perhaps the Petro-Sun Independence Bowl will be a bit more exciting than expected…
Apparently, former Colorado great and current CU running backs coach Darian Hagan is more than convinced that Bama cheated in the 1991 Blockbuser Bowl, which the Buffaloes lost to the Tide by a score of 30-25. Hagan was an impressive option quarterback from ’88-’91.
According to Hagan, his old friend and former Alabama safety Charles Gardner, who played in that game, admitted that Alabama planted spies on a Miami highway overpass near Colorado’s bowl practice site.
“I grew up with the guy,” Hagan said. “He ain’t going to lie. Why would he?”
And also apparently, such an analysis is party-line Colorado history: up until 2004, the CU media guide blurb on the game, focusing on a new offensive scheme unleashed at the Blockbuster Bowl, read “The change (in offense) took place in CU’s bowl practices and was a surprise for the game, but at the time it appeared that Alabama had found out somehow in advance because of the Crimson Tide’s uncanny success on defense.”
Hagan seems bent on payback and I’m pumped!
(Kudos to The Auburner for digging this up…)
Of course, Stallings was bush league compared to the new sheriff in town…
Filed under Diversions / Investigations, General
By Big Sexy
I’m thinking about “Hee Haw,” which in itself is strange. I haven’t thought about “Hee Haw” in a long time, but a serendipitous chain of events over the last couple of weeks caused me to reminisce about that old show that gave me such pain growing up in Alabama. My folks wouldn’t allow a single transmission of that program to go unwatched, so I grew up hating it because it would make me miss “Solid Gold” or “Buck Rogers” or whatever else was happening on ANY other channel.
A little known fact: Ernest Borgnine was a “Hee Haw Honey” in between acting gigs in the ’70s.
But on one of the most glorious road trips Ever (which will be the subject of later articles, I’m sure) to watch the latest installment of “Iron Bowl Smackdown, Volume 6, Whackabama Blues,” a couple of my music snob friends treated us to a few nuggets by Roy Clark and Buck Owens on their iPod playlists. So that got the ball rolling.
Of course, it was cemented a couple of days later at the game, because Alabama fans generally look like the turnout at a “Hee Haw” casting call.
Anyhoo, some wiseacre on the AL.com forum made a crack that made me think about that old group of hillbillies on “Hee Haw” that would sit around and lament and moan about their lot in life, whilst sippin’ from jugs of moonshine (again, the resemblance to bammer fans is friggin’ uncanny). So we decided to update the hillbilly themesong, so that the present day bammers will have something to wail tunefully while they shoot their kids and beat their wives (sung to the tune of the “Hee Haw” hillbillies theme, “Gloom, Despair and Agony On Me”):
“Gloom, despair, it’s dark at UAT (WOE!)
Six straight to the Tigers, excessive misery (OH!)
If it weren’t for houndstooth, they’d have no teeth at all (WOE!)
Croomed, no Bear, and stuck in the port of Shreve.”
Now I realize, with my old ass, that this little ditty is at best probably not that funny, and at worst just plain bewildering, for those of you under 30. But you little whippersnappers know how to work youtubes and internets, so just look up the “Hee Haw” hillbillies song about gloom and despair.
And, as long as we’re misappropriatin’ “Hee Haw” songs (and what better way COULD you spend your time?), we can take a look into the crimson pachyderm future with the song that Archie Campbell and Gordie Tapp used to sing on “Hee Haw.” This one’s for when that magnificent re-krooter, the Great Sabanus, takes off for greener pastures in a few seasons (and you know the green he likes, for which he performs some SERIOUS scoutin’, yo), and we don’t even have to change the original words:
“Where, oh where, are you tonight?
Why did you leave me here all alone?
I searched the world over, and I thought I’d found true love,
Then you met another, and PFFFFFT! You was gone.”
Yeah, I can’t wait to see the teeth gnashing that has become the Bammer tradition when that comes to pass. What will we be up to by that point? 7, 8 … 12?
Filed under Iron Bowl 365, Post-Game
Auburn will play #15 Clemson (8-4) in the Chick-fil-A Peach Bowl in Atlanta on New Year’s Eve.
During the teleconference announcing our acceptance of the invitation, Tuberville and Jacobs appear *gasp* amicable and *double gasp* relaxingly secure in Tommy’s future at Auburn. And yet such is the force of this feminine brouhaha over absolutely nothing of the past few days that Waldorf-Astoria-casing Phillip Marshall still feels compelled to qualify the news somewhat forebodingly.
Speaking of “foreboding,” Alabama appears headed to Shreveport for the second year in a row to face Colorado in the PetroSun Independence Bowl (check out the great website!). Here’s to a losing season (2nd in a row, I believe) in your first year, Nick!
Filed under General
Rod Smith and Ben Tate give a mixed-media / sign language prediction of how many more Auburn will consecutively hang on Bama = 6,115
By J. Henderson
I feel certain I speak for both J.M. and myself when I say that it has been and will likely continue to be a busy week, filled with post-postponing distractions, not least of which being lingering Victory Ecstasy Paralysis (which seems to going around). So, as for everything you would expect from The War Eagle Reader in the luxurious wake of Six Saturday, do bear with us.
But a quick something in the meantime.
Since the Saban snafu from the week prior has been ratcheted up to the point of appropriation for political commentary … I feel pressed to point out the aspect that I feel to be the most disturbing, the one passed by in the punditry parade.
Similar to my feelings that, in the “coon ass” scandal of early Saban Mania (which resulted in the first of two comment-clarifying press statements the Bama PR machine deemed necessary to cover for their coach in less than a year), LSU fans were likely much more offended by Saban’s gloating in their sense of betrayal (yeah, they “might not be able print that”) than in his use of regionally accepted slang, I can’t but think that the focus should never have been on the perhaps poorly decided points of analogical reference (of an analogy the context of which, though I’ve enjoyed the fallout, has been rather disabused of its intent) but rather his, at best – valley girl, at worst – inaccurate, articulation of American history.
“Pearl Harbor got us ready, you know, for World War II, or whatever.”
I believe Pearl Harbor got us into World War II, not really ready for it, or whatever. Maybe that’s a little petty, still I say nail him not for his attempted analogy [Saban hopes that: La-Monroe will be to Alabama football what Pearl Harbor / 9-11 were to America = a catalyst for unity and gung-ho attitude... of course, it won't] but rather for that freakin’ “or whatever.”
(On a similar note, petty, sure… I believe that I may have stumbled upon some related, possible Nick Sucking, for note in this AP piece posted by The Sporting News (also linked above) the clean-cut omission of the hanging “or whatever.”)
As for the Iron Bowl, more on all that later but I will say this:
It was what it was. It was six in a row. It was spectacular.
Let’s War Eagle Forever.
Filed under Diversions / Investigations, General, Iron Bowl 365
By J. Henderson
Why wasn’t Will in church this morning? Because he was getting the jump on TWER in covering D.J. Hall and the Incredible Shrinking Suspension! I though I had plenty of time! Alas…
Still, though everything that should have been said was said and said greatly (as well as with that extra squinting between the lines that makes FTB so good – looks like The Auburner was on this too), I think that my original idea – a bare bones reiteration of yesterday’s Ian Rapoport live blog from Tuscaloosa, might help illustrate and underscore Will’s reportage and analysis.
For the record, I listened to most of the Eli ‘n’ Snake radio hick-waltz for the first half (and turned it back on for the glorious end), and not only was news of Hall’s suspension belched in whole-game terms (“…will not play today…”) but it was their go-to filler for every pause in the action, so much so that EeLah finally began to preface it with apology: “Again, sorry to belabor the point here, but in case you’re just joining us…”
Here it is… the trail… so pretty…
Alabama receiver DJ Hall is in uniform, he took part in senior day, but he wasn’t announced as a starter… So what’s the deal? Now, he’s not on the field, doesn’t have a helmet, and is playing the role of cheerleader…
Is he suspended?
Hall has played in every game this season, but last year, he was suspended for the first game because of an undisclosed violation of team rules. And he missed the Cotton Bowl his sophomore year for another undisclosed something or other.
Stay tuned…
Oh, it’s true. Mercurial junior running back Jimmy Johns earned the start at running back today. Alabama coach Nick Saban had said this “may be the week” that Johns contributed. And it was. A 6-yard run to start the game. Big cheer from the crowd, by the way. Obviously.
What’s weird is that Johns had the first carry, Jonathan Lowe has had a bunch more, yet Terry Grant hasn’t touched the ball yet. I don’t get it. Now, Johns is back in, in time for John Parker Wilson to throw a touchdown pass to Keith Brown. Tide leads 7-0 four minutes in.
Alabama senior receiver DJ Hall is suspended for this game because he violated team rules, according to a Crimson Tide spokesman. So that’s why he hasn’t played. Not sure of the exact reason…
Out of thin air — OK, from the sidelines — running back Terry Grant says hello. He didn’t play in the first quarter, as Jimmy Johns and Jonathan Lowe split the carries. But at the beginning of the second, there was Grant carrying five times for 41 yards, capping it off with a 12-yard touchdown run.
Alabama leads 14-7 early in the second. The only warts, I guess, are the two picks thrown by John Parker Wilson… Those may not help his passer efficiency rating, which was 99th in the country entering the game.
The Warhawks are hanging in there. Not just hanging in there, but playing even with Alabama. That last touchdown was not cheap. Anytime you drive 80 yards to tie the score, you earn it. And even while stopping ULM running back Calvin Dawson, it’s tied at 14 with four minutes left in the half.
Oh wow, a punt just hit the back of Simeon Castille, who was covering downfield. Bad luck for the Tide… ULM gets the ball back, though quarterback Kinsmon Lancaster is holding his left hand, like he’s hurt.
Punt returner Javier Arenas was just down on the field, holding his ankle or leg. Not sure what happened when he was tackled, but he looked hurt. A few seconds later, he got up and limped off to a loud ovation. Now, he’s being tended to by the training staff…
With 46 seconds left in the half, Arenas is headed into the locker room for some medical attention. He walked under his own power, though.
OK, the half is over. And the Tide exits the field to loud boos. No hurry-up offense? Interesting… Tied at 14 with the Warhawks.
No wonder Saban was upset…Alabama coach Nick Saban spent part of this week ripping into his team for its lack of focus. Perhaps he saw something like this coming. Not that the game is over, but hey, it’s a game. More than a game. Louisiana-Monroe is up 21-14 after Kinsmon Lancaster found Marty Humphrey for an 11-yard touchdown run.
And this place is fairly quiet, even with 18 minutes left.
Apparently, it was a one-half suspension for DJ Hall. The senior receiver is back on the field after a violation of team rules benched him for the opening 30 minutes. Just now, he made an 18-yard reception. And Alabama is driving…
This is why I could never be a gambler. Who would’ve expected this? OK, maybe Nick Saban did. Alabama trails Louisiana-Monroe 21-14 with 11:52 left in the game.
How will this end? I’m going down to the field to find out. Be back later…
Seriously, what now? Alabama suffered what can only be described as an incomprehensible loss. OK, you guys may come up with other ways to describe it. Man, I don’t know. All week, it seemed, Alabama coach Nick Saban was preparing some anti-overlook formula for his team. Yet… nothing. Warhawks ended up winning 21-14.
Oh, I asked Saban post-game if receiver DJ Hall was suspended for 30 minutes from the beginning. As in, was it a game suspension that turned into a half suspension?”It was what it was,” he said.
So, I asked, a half suspension?
“What it was,” Saban said.
How low was this one, guys? The worst loss you can remember? Put it into perspective for me…
What now, Ian? The Saban Sashay (watch those hips!), and then simply more of the same…
Filed under Diversions / Investigations, General, Iron Bowl 365
By J.M. Comer
This kind of column writes itself. Words are typed at a feverish pace. The brain is hot and throbbing. The cage that holds back the terrifying claws of that inferiority complex has been rattled. The red-headed stepchild gets pushed to the ground and dirt is kicked in his/her face once again. It comes with the territory when you support the Auburn Tigers.
Did you know that coaches are supposed to run and hide when cross-state challenges loom on the horizon? (* Release the Halloween metaphors! *) Like a vampire from the cock’s crow. The werewolf from the silver-packed pistol. Dr. Frankenstein’s monster from the peasant’s torch.
In the wide, wild world of Paul Finebaum this is what a sensible coach does, apparently. (See today’s fetid column here.)
The gist: Duck and cover, Coach Tuberville, or tuck and run. The Dark Lord Saban is coaching a winning team at the Capstone. Did you know that this past weekend a Tennessee team with one of the worst defenses in the conference was beat by Bama? Anoint the Dark Lord Saban with Volunteer blood!
If you have the time to humor us Auburn fans, Mr. Finebaum, please tell us all something: Why would Coach Tuberville run from the rising threat of an improved University of Alabama program, take the head coaching job at Texas A&M, and then have to face an almost always superior University of Texas team each year? Isn’t this trading one Boogey Man for another?
Does Auburn’s five wins in a row against Bama mean anything? One. Two. Three. Four. Five. Auburn owns Alabama. Auburn owns Bryant-Denny Stadium. I’m pretty sure there’s a memorial plaque and a bouquet of crimson and white flowers on the field where Brodie Croyle and his daddy’s dreams for his son died.
As The Auburner points out on a great T-shirt, there are children in the great state of Alabama that know how to tie their shoes, can read the adventures of Curious George, make a peanut butter sandwich — but yet don’t how to deal with a loss to the University of Alabama because they’ve never encountered such a brain-twisting concept.
So, with all due respect Mr. Finebaum, can we actually wait and see what happens at the Iron Bowl before reaching the conclusion that Tuberville fears Saban?
How many more weeks do we have to endure this fear-mongering? Five more weeks until the Iron Bowl?
LSU, can you do a big favor for us Auburn fans? We know that we must avert our eyes from your gloriousness, as you are our Bengal Overlord. But can you whip the absolute dog mess out of Bama for us? Do you need a visual aid? Let me see here. Is there any video images of a tiger eating a peacock on YouTube? Nope. Maybe you can pretend this chicken on its perch is a peacock. I would like to imagine that such will be Mother Nature’s equivalent to the feeding time at Bryant-Denny Stadium in two weeks.
Filed under Iron Bowl 365
By J.M. Comer
Reports of Auburn’s death have been greatly exaggerated.
Sorry about the cliche phrase. But it’s very apt.
Today I’d like to poke a sharp stick at the sports columnists at al.com, excluding those at The Huntsville Times (I adore the sports staff there) and Tommy Hicks at the Mobile Press-Register (who seems to have a level head). I have no idea what The Anniston Star, the finest paper in the state, has been writing because they charge for their Web content. Booo!
The Auburn Nation and Coach Tommy Tuberville have been picked on and prodded all season long. I’m poking back. I’m not seeing this week the whole “The Tide Has Turned,” “ships passing in the night” and “shift of state power” malarkey that accompanied the “editorial insight” the last time one team won and the other lost two weeks ago.
Here are a few examples that have been stirring anger in my brain for the past few weeks.
Paul Finebaum, Sept. 11 “Has Tide Turned Already?”
“In time, there was some concern that Saban’s program would slowly inch closer to Auburn through excellent recruiting and play on the field. That’s no longer the biggest concern for Auburn. Instead, some sense the Auburn program will close the gap very quickly. Usually, that’s what happens when a program is stuck in reverse and close to spinning out of control.”
Paul Finebaum, Sept. 15, “Certitude wanes on the Plains“
“So it’s not that surprising that Auburn fans were in panic mode after the near-miss to Kansas State and completely freaked following the loss to South Florida. Auburn fans can talk until they’re blue and orange in the face about how great South Florida has been in recent years, but few care. They still lost to South Florida!” [-- Blogger's Note: South Florida is ranked #6 in the AP poll.]
Paul Finebaum, Sept. 18, “Tuberville Needs Quick Turnaround“
“Let’s face the facts. Auburn has one game that matters in the remaining nine regular-season contests — Nov. 24 at home against Alabama. A win against Alabama and some of the sewage spillage can be cleaned up. A loss and all the typical Tubervillian excuses will go on deaf ears. Excuses work in the first year or two. Not in a head coach’s ninth season.”
“Oh, a big win on the road against Florida or LSU would go a long way toward changing the direction of the program. However, the chance of either happening is about the same as Saban being hired back next year by the Miami Dolphins.”
… “So, has Alabama already passed Auburn without even taking a shot at ending the five-game losing streak?”
I save the best for last. The silliest. Is Kevin Scarbinsky an understudy for Finebaum or something? He should be embarrassed. Sept. 15 “Tide, Tigers pass in the night“
“Write down the date. In ink. Bright red indelible ink. Circle it and don’t forget it.”
“Sept. 15, 2007.” [-- Blogger's Note: Sorry I've already forgotten.]
“The day everything changed.”
“The day the Tide and the tide turned.”
… “Guess what? At Alabama, the skies above are clear again. At Auburn, the eagle has landed. He’s been benched in favor of Chicken Little.”
“This was the day Alabama banked on when it hired Saban and Auburn, in the deep, dark recesses of its mind, has feared ever since.”
“This was the day Alabama became a contender again and Auburn, which started the season under the radar, fell off the map.”
… “Hey, Auburn. Shouldn’t you at least play a game against Alabama with Saban on the sideline before you concede the state to him?”
Hey, Scarbinsky. I know it’s your job to comment on the season as it unfolds, but this jumping to conclusions and crowning of Saban four weeks into the season is sickening. I know it’s fun to write about your new pretty play thing, but enough is enough. I want to know: Now that Saban has lost two games in a row, where is the unyielding criticism that Coach Tuberville experienced after two losses? Is it because one of Auburn’s losses was to Mississippi State? But one of the losses was to a good South Florida team now ranked #6 in the country!
Alabama this week has lost to an unranked Florida State team. Where’s the criticism? Nowhere. None. Zip. Is Bama getting its money’s worth? How was the playcalling?
The Birmingham News has got to be loving Saban. It could sell thousands of daily special editions such as an “In-depth Study of 10 Items Found in Nick Saban’s Wastebasket This Morning” if it wanted to. “Is Coach Nick Saban Getting Enough Fiber? His Gastroenterologist Tells All!”
Also, I understand why some columnists end up writing unenlightened copy some days — they are on a tough deadline oftentimes. They have to churn out a column and have it turned into their editor mere minutes after a football game ends. What’s Finebaum’s excuse? A game is played Saturday. He doesn’t have to turn in his column until Monday night for Tuesday morning’s edition.
I don’t know why I’m tip-toeing around it, this is a straight on attack of Paul Finebaum’s columns on al.com. And I hate to do it, because I’m wasting Web space, but the man has influence over the state of Alabama.
I have no idea the things that have been said on his radio call-in show because I refuse to listen this year. I know that the pressure is going to be on Tuberville this season because Finebaum likes to pit one school against the other or one school’s fans against the coach. Saban gets a pass. Attacking Saban this season would probably result in physical harm for Finebaum. This year Coach Tommy Tuberville will be under “THE ALL-KNOWING EYE” and short of an SEC championship CTT is on the hot seat.
Or, it could be like yesterday’s column by Finebaum. The gist: “Auburn fans, Tuberville is going to leave you for College Station! He hates his situation at Auburn! He doesn’t love Auburn! Remember what he did to Ole Miss? Re-mem-ber?!?!?!?!?!”
Finebaum’s source? “The Sporting News”? Texas A&M boosters? Gene Stallings? Who knows?
That column set something off in me. The column is full of crap. Horse crap. Sun-ripened, fly-circled pony patty!
This stuff sells papers. It feeds into his radio program, filling the airwaves with fear, distrust and anger. It expands and multiplies and infects.
Laugh at it. That’s what I’ll plan to do. And I suggest you do the same. It’s yellow journalism. Sensationalism. Tuberville is his target this year and Finebaum’s got nothing to point to this week after a spectacular game against Florida.
He’s got to write something. Fill those column inches. Spin! Spin! Spin!
As a stark contrast, I would point to a fine reporter and employee at The Huntsville Times, Phillip Marshall, and what he wrote last night in his insightful blog, Tracking the Tigers. “Auburn is home for Tuberville.” It makes sense.
Something one of Mr. Marshall’s peers lack because sense usually stands in the way of Paul Finebaum and a tall tale.
Filed under Diversions / Investigations, Iron Bowl 365
By J. Henderson
Georgia coach Mark Richt closed practice for the week leading up to the Alabama game, his first time to do so in seven years, this during the hot fallout surrounding New England Patriot’s Coach Bill Belichick’s “hyper-scouting” against the New York Jets. Georgia’s offensive line coach, and former Auburn great, Stacy Searels was theorized to be the little bird in Richt’s ear advising him on the wisdom of such a move prior to a game with Saban, a Belichick protege, who in his last, dismal year with the Miami Dolphins was under NFL scrutiny for allegedly spying on other teams – namely that of his “close friend” Bill Belichick.(Prior to the Dolphins game with the Patriots in December of ’06, Saban is purported to have have “bought the audio” from previous Patriot’s games so as to decipher quarterback Tom Brady’s calls at the line of scrimmage. Brady was held to 78 yards passing as lowly Miami dominated heavily favored New England 21-0. It was the first time the Patriots had been shut-out since 2003 — Very good, Young Grasshopper…)
During the CBS broadcast of last Saturday’s match-up between Bobby Bowden’s Florida State Seminoles and Saban’s Bama, Florida State players were seen forming a human shield, which included a dangling towel, in order to prevent Saban and Co. from reading FSU signals. Jimbo Fisher, Florida State’s new offensive coordinator, is, of course, fresh from the Saban regime.
Saban lost to Georgia. He lost to Florida State.
(Bama opponents: take note…)
So Lord only knows what sort of psycho anti-espionage / cheating apparatus Auburn defensive coordinator, Warrior Bard of “Hold’em!” Gusto, and former Saban assistant Will Muschamp, whom I love, will have Tuberville install in the lead-up to this year’s Iron Bowl.
I’m imagining decoy practices, a one-way-mirrored bubble dome on the home side of Pat Dye Field, with a zippered entrance / exit, and helmets installed with encrypted telecommunications equipment. And classes on the Navajo tongue. Apparently, when it comes to Saban, it is impossible to be too careful.
*** Update — check out this post by Joe Blow at If Pigskins Could Fly for even more duplicitous details — plus an actual picture of the towel / blanket manshield I couldn’t find…
Filed under Diversions / Investigations, Iron Bowl 365
By J. Henderson
This is the scene I literally ran home from Jordan-Hare in time to see.
John Elway, Jr., jubilant, sweaty, charging the man-pile of jugular-speared victory, one throw, first down, touchdown victory, adding himself, another cell, growing the organism, the tumor if you will. Celebrant after celebrant, the tumor inside the Vishnu of Sabania grows and doubles and triples upon itself. The news is shocking.
Diagnosis: mortal. How long doctor? How long until number 13? We were supposed to be married in January, we were going to have kids…
Girls cry in the stands. Men rage, angry at the universe, their breath wet and stupid. They were never supposed to lose again. Ever. Arkansas proved that.
And then comes the debris.
Filed under Iron Bowl 365
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