Merry ChristMus?

The hottest latest indicates this sign could … could … double it’s irony … or its irony could reverse field …  sometime today…

I was so proud of my feral skepticism towards last year’s ‘done deal’ newscasts from Arkansas, but they were reporting a nonsensical, lateral-at-best move for Tuberville.

This would make a bit more sense.

And despite the sour taste the boggle-the-mind, fly-by-night, dash-dash-dash (taste Will’s Jan. 2 prediction again for the first time!) departure left in the mouth of my heart, despite my Gill thrills (but man, I’d be all about him), I’d be kinda all about it.

Just because, you know…

UPDATE at 7 a.m. CST: Check out what WSFA 12 of Montgomery is “reporting” (I’m putting it in quotes because they are writing about a weak rumor at best):

MONTGOMERY, AL (WSFA) – The WSFA 12 Sports team has learned that Auburn University may be close to offering its head coaching job, and that person could be South Carolina’s Steve Spurrier.

The “may” was in bold on their site. Click here to read the rest.

Remember a TV news station in Arkansas last year was reporting from “sources” that Tuberville was the next head coach of Arkansas. This time we have a “source in the coaching profession.”

UPDATE at 10:45 a.m. CST: Evan Woodbery of the Mobile Press-Register just got a statement from Muschamp:

“I have not interviewed for any jobs. I’m not interested in any jobs. I’m happy here, my family loves Austin and I’m going to be at Texas.”

Toomer’s Rumors and Boomers – 1.24.08 #2

(You can see I’m really liking this format…)

*** The powers that be at AU (c) presume they can trademark actual “verbiage” like “Tigers,” “Toomer’s Corner,” “The Plains,” even “Auburn” and are reportedly Nazis when it comes to enforcement… but somehow this is OK…

UT-Martin’s Faux Jackson outruns AU licensing attorneys. The Tigers will copywrong the Skyhawks on Nov. 8th. (h/t/a/t/s to Track’em Tigers)

*** Muschamp’s hire earns equal pay raise for Texas offensive coordinator Greg Davis = $425,000

*** News of Urban Meyer’s possible repeated recruiting faux pas is beginning to make some waves. Meyer reportedly went out of his way to grease the scholarship rails for Gator gymnast Maranda Smith so as to assure a commitment from Smith’s boyfriend, wide receiver Carl Moore. Smith claims that Meyer called her on a daily basis to encourage her decision to sign with Florida, a possible recruiting violation. Though slightly less illicit, the scenario so far reminds me of a story I was told last week by a former Auburn player recruited in the late ’60s, who’s girlfriend was already attending Auburn. Heavily courted by both the Tide and the Tigers, he eventually signed with Auburn but was later told by his father that several Bama boosters and even a coach had communicated in no uncertain terms that were he to commit to the Crimson Tide, his girlfriend, were she to transfer, would receive a free ride at the Capstone.

“I wanted you to make up your own mind, so I didn’t say anything to you ,” his father told him. “Of course, if it’d been your brother or sister, we might have been talkin’.”

More Muschamp Musings

By J. Henderson

Ancient history. No one cares.

Hey, it’s the off-season…

Stop me if this is old news, I don’t think it is:

Going by a story in yesterday’s Dallas Morning News, we can now scratch “more money” off the list of incentives for Will Muschamp’s decision to jump jobs; Muschamp will be making $425,000 per year as Texas’ defensive coordinator, the exact same figure he would have made this year at Auburn as the highest paid assistant in the SEC.

This revelation thickens the plot, or curdles it I guess, especially in light of Muschamp’s recent elaboration of his air-born deliberation described in yesterday’s Austin American-Statesman.

“On the plane trip back to Auburn the next day, he and his wife, Carol, made a list of the pros and cons about the job.

He said he had decided to say yes to Brown’s job offer, which Brown had extended earlier in the day, at the end of the plane ride.

‘There were no cons,’ he said.”

Sir? Some questions?

First off, no cons? Perhaps none specific to the job itself but surely some implicit in taking the job…. Pulling up stakes for the third time in three years for what could only be described – even before disclosure of the equal salary – as a lateral career move? Drawing negative fire in the press and provoking the disenchanted ire of thousands? Forgoing a promising 2008 season with a talented, proven group of players groomed for two years under your berserker intensity? No cons?

Secondly, and maybe I’m parsing here, but you say it was made up at the end of the plane ride? Your mind, I mean? Then why did you say it wasn’t, as a story in the Jan 5. Columbus Ledger-Enquirer indicates:

“For Auburn, the writing may have been on the wall when Muschamp briskly walked past reporters at the Robert G. Pitts airport with little to say. He said at that time he hadn’t made a decision.

‘I don’t have anything to say,’ Muschamp said. ‘You’ll have to talk to coach Tuberville.’

Asked if he had made a decision yet, Muschamp said, ‘No. I have to talk to coach Tuberville.’

You know, maybe the move to Texas is going to help in becoming a head coach because it seems he’s already gained some valuable experience in duplicity. I’m sure former boss Nick Saban would be proud.

And lastly, speaking of Saban… came across something while writing that Finebaum piece… again, could be old news, not sure how I missed it, but at least a couple of stories written during the West Virginia coaching search claim that Nick Saban’s connection to the story was yes, yes, of course, of course, limited strictly to an advisory role… but that the advice he reportedly gave was to hire Will Muschamp, outstanding defensive coordinator of his new arch-rival and the same person who took that coordinating job in part because Saban demoted him at Miami. This little detail was actually being used to explain away the Saban-to-WVU rumors on BamaOnLine.com:

“Some nice people in West Virginia asked Nick Saban for his input on the WVU job. He recommended two guys for the job: Florida State head-coach-in-waiting Jimbo Fisher and Auburn defensive coordinator Will Muschamp.

That is the extent of Saban’s tie to the gig. Having either of those guys at WVU would be a good thing for UA. Specifically, Saban wouldn’t have to recruit against Fisher and AU would be without one of the top young assistants in college football.”

If true, is that something that happens in the coaching biz? Is it weird for a head coach to phone the mysteriously ex officio head of another school’s coaching search, who just happens to be his best friend, to tell him to hire away one of the major weapons in the arsenal of the coach’s arch-rival (a man the coach himself recently, essentially, fired)? I mean, I don’t know, that could be standard protocol, just seems odd from where I sit…

Quote Of The Day – 1.8.08: “Muschamp Fallout,” Myth So Far

“I really wasn’t concerned because I really wanted to go to the school and didn’t want to go there just for Coach Muschamp. I feel like they’re going to bring in the best person they can find to get the job done.”

– Auburn’s latest commitment, defensive back D’Antoine Hood, who yesterday committed to play for the Tigers. Sure, he’s former Auburn standout Roderick Hood’s cousin, but still…

somethIng theRe tO remiNd me, alwaYs…

I always thought the focal point guy in this Cotton States Insurance billboard, which is across from The War Eagle Supper Club on S. College, was a dead-ringer for Boom Boom in so many ways… the actual facial features, the obvious passion (which, I think, were the main reasons we all really loved him)…

… but on my way up to Birmingham yesterday, I just wasn’t prepared for the irony.

Take a good hook look…

Yeah…

(A similar ad ran each week in this season’s game day program…)

Update: I would have accepted that the restaurants in Austin were better or something, or that he was really into live music. We knew there had to be something more, of course, because none of it made any sense. More has now come and it makes even less sense. Was it all a dream?

Well Damn.

Photo from The Goldmine

War Damn.

Eagle.

Onwards and upwards.

Confused, but I wish him the best. Let us, this day, like Tuberville appears to be doing, take Will “Boom, Mofos” Muschamp’s own immortal words quickly to heart.

“Get your ass goin’. You ain’t hurt. War Eagle, mofo.”

Still MusCramping…

By J. Henderson

Friday, 11:30 am.

Regardless of how it all ends, I think it is safe to say that the rumor’s stock – at least the shares of done-deal certitude – fell overnight. Phillip Marshall and Charles Goldberg both signed off last night by sourcing the Austin-American Statesman, which late yesterday reported:

“A Texas official said late Thursday that there has been no deal reached to hire Auburn defensive coordinator Will Muschamp. An internet site and an Austin TV station reported that Muschamp had accepted an offer from Mack Brown earlier in the evening.”

Though there seems to little to no doubt that Muschamp has been in contact with the Longhorns (unlike our Tuberville fun from a month ago), as far as actual sources, and judging from recent history, you’d have to feel at least a little better about the above sounding so very familiar…

Speaking of sources, Texas Rivals site OrangeBloods.com, the most ominous root to this round of angst, doesn’t actually cite any…

I’m sure the editor is connected and all, but their story, cobbled together by its staff, is simply a statement that “Mack got his man” followed by Muschamp’s career bio. No quotes from Texas officials, no indication of a press conference, nothing…

Meanwhile, the Dallas Morning News is still couching the story in very “if, then” terms.

Again, this is all very confusing, as in, from an Auburn perspective, it currently makes zero, zero, zero sense. Hopefully there will be some official word by the weekend, for all our sakes… especially The Auburner’s – those guys are on the verge of having half their shirts go vintage in less than a month (the Brother Oliver header was, by the way, brilliant)…

Quote Of The Day: 12.31.07 – Boom Boom… Please Boom Boom, C’mon, Be A Winner

By J. Henderson

“Anyone out there that wants to be a winner needs to become an Auburn Tiger.”

– Auburn Defensive Coordinator Will Muschamp, after beating Clemson in the Chick-Fil-A Bowl. That was three days ago.

Made the left-turn into the Kroger parking lot almost without looking. I had just flipped on Finebaum and was distracted – Muschamp? Texas? What? Got the groceries and rushed home. The snowball grew.

I’ve been hoping it was just more Tuberville-to-the-Celtics type-nonsense — maybe he’d taken too long in the bathroom at the Longhorn Steakhouse out at Tiger Town or something and people started texting each other — but the rumors have this ominous “duh, yeah, done deal” bluntness that I just didn’t find in the Tub-to-Arkansas fluff.

Of course, if everything is bigger in Texas, so might be scoop anxiety (this, actually, absolutely reeks of KWNA) and the latest from Phillip Marshall — my ember this freezing night, my click click click Batphone — hints that at least hope remains.

Fait accompli? Much ado about nothing? My point here is not to spread rumors, I promise, but to simply to encourage Coach Muschamp to keep it real, keep it Auburn, Lord, at least for now. Like I. Blake was getting at in his circumstantially-dictated first column, we know you’re not long for this Auburn world, but do us all a favor and save it for a head coaching gig, otherwise it just seems forced and awkward and just kinda wrong.

War Damn Eagle, Will…

“War Eagle, Mofo.”

“Will” He or Won’t He?

By I. Blake

I know many of you hate speculative articles, and this is surely a speculative diatribe. But, I just happened to go online tonight to check my email and read more about Obama’s big victory in Iowa, when I came across a headline: “Muschamp Interviews with Texas.”

This ruined any exhilaration I might have had at the start of the process to replace our current President. I love Will ‘The Thrill’ Muschamp as our D-Coordinator, and these wild fire rumors flying across the internets tonight make me ill. It’s not like I thought he would be coaching our defense for many years to come. When we signed him up, I thought his stay would likely be short, just a pit-stop on his journey to become a head coach.

When he turned down Southern Miss last month, and Petrino beat him out to Fayette-nam, I thought we had him on board for at least another year. And with Simms, Blackmon and the rest of the returning crew, along with Franklin’s Spread Eagle attack, I hoped ’08 could be special. Even earlier this week, in an article written by the best Auburn beat writer,
Phillip Marshall, Muschamp had one of the best quotes of year:

“The core of our team is back, and we’ve got a good class coming in,” he said. “Anyone out there that wants to be a winner needs to become an Auburn Tiger.”

And that’s why I love having him on our sidelines, he always brings an awesome enthusiasm. Just like a Slim Jim, he’s always intense.

Again, I knew his stay would be short, and that he would leave us sooner or later to become a head coach. But, I cannot stand being the AAA affiliate for Texas! It just doesn’t make any sense to me. It is only a side step.

The night is young, and he might only be entertaining UT to leverage a substantial raise from Auburn, or more importantly, get his name in the papers as a someone who turned down Texas, but as I write this column, I notice that Rivals is reporting that he is indeed leaving us.

Either way, Auburn will move on, IN TUBS I TRUST.

I know this is extremely premature but if Muschamp does leave us, where do we turn?

Possible replacements…

Tracy Rocker
Mike Zimmer
Ed “I want a Hummer” Orgeron
John Tenuta
James Willis

WDE!

[Ed. note - This is the first column by I. Blake, which makes two debuts in one day. The invitation is out there - if you'd like to write something for The War Eagle Reader, drop us a line at thewareaglereader{at}gmail{dot}com.

What off season?]

PetriNo, Thank You…

By J.M. Comer

Did the SEC West just get sleazier? Bobby Petrino, scum-sucker, took over the Arkansas Razorbacks football team last night.

I’m just guessing here: He didn’t say goodbye to the Falcons.

I could believe that. It sounds about right.

According to the Atlanta Journal Constitution this morning, that’s exactly what he did, or I guess exactly what he didn’t do:

[Falcon's owner Arthur] Blank said Petrino, who was signed from Louisville to a five-year, $24.5 million contract Jan. 8, told him that he would be back to coach the Falcons in 2008. It was the second time Blank had asked Petrino about his commitment to the team over the past few weeks and the second time Petrino told him he would be back next season.

At 5:30 p.m. Tuesday, Petrino met with Rich McKay, the team’s president and general manager, at the team’s Flowery Branch headquarters, and told him he was quitting. Petrino then called Blank. Blank was “very disappointed, highly agitated and upset at [Tuesday's] developments,” according to a team official who was present at a lengthy meeting with senior team officials at Blank’s Buckhead offices Tuesday night.

The Falcons were off Tuesday, following Monday night’s 34-14 loss to visiting New Orleans, after which Petrino abruptly ended his postgame news conference. He did not hold his typical day-after news conference and did not address the team.

But his move to Fayetteville didn’t happen without many, many days of speculation from those mysterious “news outlets” and “sources” that populate the Natural State.

Memo to self: Call Arkansas “news outlet.” Whisper into the phone, “J.M. Comer wins Powerball Lottery — winnings estimated at $50 billion. Comer buys out Colonial Bank and pushes Bobby Lowder, Auburn trustee, into mud puddle. Mark Paden and Ryan Stephens, directors of The Auburner, are installed as athletic director.”

It would be the God’s honest truth to half the state of Alabama for one to two days. Blogs would spread the word. Other “news outlets,” TV news stations and newspapers in other states would pick it up and run with it. Lowder would retreat into his high-tech panic room with his lucky dime.

What power those Arkansas “news outlets” wield! It’s frightening actually. I wonder why that school in Fayetteville had such trouble filling the head coaching slot?

I envision the Arkansas “news outlet” to look a lot like this:

“My name is Legion: for we are many.” What a scoop! Straight from the demon’s mouth!

Why in his right mind would Auburn’s defensive coordinator Will “Boom Boom” Muschamp have chosen the University of Arkansas as his first head coaching stint? You want to be a head coach? Check. You want to coach in the SEC? Sure, who wouldn’t? But should you stick your neck out for these loons?

Oops. Wrong photo. These loons are kind of cute. So how about this loon?

A Razorbacks fan in the natural state in the Natural State.

Maybe, Petrino and the Hogs deserve one another. No, I take that back. The Razorbacks don’t deserve what is to come. Razorbacks, you don’t deserve the soul ripped from your school.

I just feel bad for our beloved coach, Tommy Tuberville. He has to hold his nose and shake Petrino’s hand probably twice a year, stooping down to acknowledge the existence of that pig’s muckpile.

In case you didn’t notice: I despise Petrino. It really stinks that now I’m going to hate the Razorbacks from this day forward. If those “news sources” from earlier in the day had spoken the truth and Will “Boom Boom” Muschamp had gone on to take the head coaching position, I would have been bummed. But I would have understood. Muschamp is an outstanding guy/coach and will make a great head coach wherever he goes. I would have been excited for you Razorback fans.

But Petrino represents greed and dishonesty to me. Even more so than Alabama head coach Nick Saban, believe it or not. Petrino represents what could have been the dancing end of Auburn trustee Bobby Lowder’s puppet strings if that fateful plane trip to Louisville had gone off without a hitch.

Fight the powers that be Coach!

Thank God for Tommy Tuberville, the players’ coach. The People’s Coach. Coach of the 2003 orange-and-blue junta (in the Hindi sense of the word)! Viva la Tubs and all he represents to Auburn. A moment in history where Lowder got egg on his face and his silk handkerchief was nowhere to be found.

And go to hell Petrino.

War Eagle!

Appendix A: Forde Column