We Arkancame, We Arkansas… We Arkanrode into Fayetteville on the Black Horse of Desolation

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By J.M. Comer

Arkansas‘ reign as champion of the West has ended! Devastation visits Fayetteville! Extended metaphors from sports blogs trail and taunt the wounded pig!

Alabama rode into battle upon the White Horse of Conquest. The mighty Razorbacks, kings of the West, fell in the final minutes to the Tide. The first blow was struck. (If we follow this line of thought further — and please stick with me here — “Conquest” carries a bow with no arrows and represents the Antichrist. Seems like a fitting comparison for the University of Alabama to me. It would be even better if this rider was draped in a tattered, torn and decaying houndstooth robe with dollar bills and counterfeit championship declarations spilling in its wake.)

Kentucky rode the second horse, the Red Horse of War. The Wildcats cleaved the Razorbacks and brought the Hogs to their knees. Blood spilled, gushed upon the football field. Maggots festered in the wound and dismay ruled the land.

Auburn rode into Fayetteville upon the Black Horse of Desolation.

It’s really dreary riding on the Black Horse. Not much excitement. The smell of decay at the workplace is overpowering. Two other horsemen take the glory. You carry scales of “pitiless justice” and are the harbinger of Death riding the Pale Horse. See Death back there? He’s taking his time, wearing orange and white and licking that gravy-stained Cracker Barrel menu.

Sure, you get to smash the crown from the fallen king under your boot, strip the dream of the Heisman Trophy from the team’s greatest warrior and sound the death knell of Arkansas head coach Houston Nutt. But there’s this whole pestilence and famine thing that comes along with the victory. It’s all very messy and kind of depressing.

Did anyone get a good look at Nutt on the sideline Saturday night … the man looked desperate and afraid to me.

With Nutt axed as head coach after this season … do you really think Darren McFadden and Felix Jones will stick around? Nope.

So ends the brief reign of Arkansas.

There isn’t much fun kicking a program on its way down … time to move on to Baton Rouge.

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3 Comments

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3 responses to “We Arkancame, We Arkansas… We Arkanrode into Fayetteville on the Black Horse of Desolation

  1. ike

    i wouldn’t count out a team that has cheerleaders who wear uniforms with the word ‘hogs’ on them. thats tough and saucy, in a back woods kind of way. thats why i think arkansauce will run the table. yes, i think they will beat the vols and that team from louisiana, ls-who.
    comer, just like you slammed the columnists who wrote auburn’s obituary earlier in the year, i wouldn’t count out a team lead by a dick and a nutt. don’t forget, run dmc is tougher than leather!

  2. Do you think McFadden and Jones would stick around either way? No way!

  3. Oh, I don’t think the Razorbacks are dead — but their hopes for an SEC West title are dead. Houston Nutt’s tenure at Arkansas is over, so this phase of their football program will end soon. And Auburn’s incredible defense squashed McFadden’s hopes for the trophy.

    I do hope that the Hogs and Run DMC will be “Raising Hell” against LSU.

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