The Dark Cloud, The Damn Bag

By J.M. Comer

It set in Monday morning. Around 8:30 a.m. EDT as I rode in toward work.

The dark cloud of regret rolled in.

WE HAD IT IN THE DAMN BAG!

I avoided thinking about Auburn’s cursed, final squib kick all day Sunday. I didn’t read any blogs, any recaps of LSU’s dumb luck. I avoided ESPN and al.com.

I watched the Washington Redskins game yesterday hoping that Jason Campbell on offense and Carlos Rodgers on defense would help soothe the pain. Instead, it conjured visions of Campbell to Taylor in 2004.

So I finally peeked at al.com this morning and, hate to say it, Kevin Scarbinsky wrote the truth for his Birmingham News column: “It was too much to ask of one college football team.” It was too much to ask for Auburn to knock off the Top 5 teams of Florida and LSU on their home fields.

Good God, I’m proud of our Tigers for trying though. Beating LSU felt possible at halftime on Saturday night and that was a grand feeling. I was ready to buy Phillie Blunts at the 7-Eleven at halftime and smoke them with friends after the game in homage to Coach Tuberville ’99. How presumptuous of me. I angered the football gods.

These games against LSU are taking years of my life. Win or lose, the dizzying highs and the terrifying lows of these yearly battles are killing me.

Last week, in the lead up to the LSU matchup, I didn’t write a pre-game anything. I was going through YouTube looking for humorous clips of LSU tailgating tomfoolery to mock (Note to reader: Go to YouTube. Type in the words “LSU,” “tailgate” and “drunk” in the search bar. Enjoy.) but then I came to the realization that LSU fans posted the video clips on YouTube and are proud of these antics. It took the wind out of my sails.

Well, maybe they are not proud of this one:

Heh. Heh. Heh.

Reading Rainbeaux

The most gag-inducing moment of Saturday night for me occurred off the field of play. It was ESPN’s synergy moment when it plugged the recently published book “It Never Rains in Tiger Stadium” published by ESPN Books.

Holly Rowe, ESPN’s sideline reporter, said something to the effect that she was in Barnes & Noble earlier that day and “ran across” the aforementioned book and, lo and behold!, here’s the author, John Ed Bradley, down here on the sideline. What incredible luck! Let’s interview him! Tell us about this incredible book! Barf.

How dumb does Holly Rowe think ESPN’s viewers are? Mouth-breathin’, drooling dumb I’m guessing. “I can reads book on footbaw?”

Curses to Halftime!

What is going on in the third quarter for our team? Look below at the goose eggs. The three losses against the Bulls, Bulldogs and Bayou Tigers — we haven’t scored a point in the third quarter.

Auburn vs. Kansas State: The Tigers sleepwalk to score 3 points.
vs. South Florida: 0 points.
vs. Mississippi State: 0 points. Rise and shine boys!
vs. New Mexico State: 14 points. An anomaly?
vs. Florida: 3 points
vs. Vanderbilt: 7 points
vs. Arkansas: 0 points
vs. LSU: 0 points

Something must be done about this.

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1 Comment

Filed under Post-Game

One response to “The Dark Cloud, The Damn Bag

  1. Haha, and the ESPN announcers told Holly how impressed they were by her researching, and actually reading the book. Good stuff.

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