By: J.M. Comer
First, a compliment. Dogs are tight. Georgia, your bulldog has a ruggedness, a nose to the ground. Uga’s tough, stubborn and full of teeth and slobbery. It’s a good image and a fine football mascot. Also, red and black are great, serious colors symbolic of blood and dirt. Sunsets and death. Ummm … red salsa and black beans … on a cheesy, melty Mexican platter. Must stay focused!
But Georgia, your decision to call a “blackout” this weekend seems a bit desperate. “Look, we’re tougher this game with our black,” is your meek cry for attention.
The question on everyone’s mind as they file into Sanford Stadium this Saturday afternoon will be not “What will Georgia be wearing on the field of battle?” but “What does Georgia have planned for its first-touchdown-of-the-game celebration this time around?”
You’ve set the bar high Georgia with your end zone celebration in Jacksonville two weeks ago.
I’m imagining this week’s end-zone dance party will go … something … like … this …
[START DREAM FADE-IN SEQUENCE.]
P.A. announcer: “Ladies and gentlemen, for this week’s pre-planned touchdown celebration, please direct your attention to the visitor’s end zone as our 2007 Bulldogs salute Lionel Richie’s 1986 hit ‘Dancing on the Ceiling.'”
P.A. announcer: “Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, put your hands together and join your Georgia Bulldogs in the end zone for a celebration of touchdowns, 30-yard penalties and Auburn coaching rumors. Head Coach Mark Richt reunites on drums with his former cast members from Kids Incorporated as they perform ‘I’ve Heard a Rumor,’ have you?” [— Blogger’s Note. Please watch the video linked above, I know it is painful, but I’m pretty sure that is a young Richt on drums.]
Or … what if …
P.A. announcer: “And now, for your consideration Georgia fans, the Voice of the Bulldogs, Larry Munson, and his ‘Soulja Boy Revue!'”
[END DREAM SEQUENCE. SHUDDER.]
[Thunder! Lightning! Initiate bluster, attack. Unleash the half-formed thoughts of an Auburn braggart!!!!!!]
You can pack those streamers and sparklers back in the box. Hang up the strap-on keyboard, Mark Richt. Larry Munson won’t be supermanning this week, the only thing he’ll be sticking is the cigar back into his shocked and silenced maw. Put the champaign back in the ice bucket because when your single touchdown comes, Georgia, it will come in the third quarter as the November sky darkens and the game slips away.
You haven’t faced a tough defense this entire season. Oh boy, does Auburn have something in store for you. I can’t wait actually. I’m antsy. Auburn’s going to win it, 31-13.
Yes, I realize that Georgia is playing for the SEC East title and will come into the game fired up. But really … look at this schedule and their games. What have they done this season? They beat a beat-up Tim Tebow.
And last year’s performance by Brandon Cox … I don’t know what you had on him, Georgia, but the Road Warrior will be focused (In case you haven’t noticed, I’m really talking out of my ass here. Forgive me superstitious Auburn fans.) and ready. He’s playing for pride this weekend and you embarrassed him last year. It was ugly then, but great motivational tool now. It won’t happen again. Cox ain’t going out like that!