Monthly Archives: December 2008

Herbstreit on Chizik

The irony is as delicious as January sugar: the first positive reaction – predicated on his role in Auburn’s stifling 11 points per game 2004 defense – to the Chizik hire from the national media comes from Kirk Herbstreit, who’s notoriously inexplicable “still-a-lot-to-prove” about-face in the wake of what was arguably our most dominant game (Georgia) of what was arguably our most dominant season – the one game he said would prove we deserved a shot at #1 – still best captures the injustice of ’04.

Which, hey, might answer J.M.’s ‘why’d you leave for Texas, coach?’ — you can’t win a damn national title at Auburn going 13-0 and only giving up 11 points per game? Hell, go to Texas, make it easy on yourself. The undefeated 2005 Longhorns gave up 16 points per game.

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I think I’m going to be Chizick

I wanted my life back.
I got kicked in the balls.

… the balls of my Auburn heart.

It’s not about Chizik, per se (I mean, War Eagle, 2004 forever, hi-five). It’s about Jacobs. It’s about whateverpowersthatbe. I mean, I’m a defender. Big time. I’m a rose-colored-benefit-of-the-doubter like you’ve never seen.

But it is totes official: the emperor, whoever he is, has no clothes.

About 30 fans gathered at the airport, many of which heckled the four men as they deplaned. One man stepped ahead of the reporters and booed loudly, waving his arms up and down with his thumbs pointed downward. He continued to do so during Jacobs’ 33-second interview, which did not confirm nor deny earlier reports that Chizik had been hired.

It’s scary.

Iowa State players finding out Chizik was hired ... as THEIR coach... seriously.

Iowa State players finding out Chizik was hired ... as THEIR coach... two years ago ... seriously.

Even were we to somehow go 13-0 again next year, it would, somehow, still feel like the wrong decision.*

So obviously wrong that, to paraphrase a convo with Chris Shelling Jr., people you didn’t even think were into football are randomly texting you “God is dead.”

… and showing up at the airport not for manboob autographs or DUI arrests, but to boo the president and the athletic director.

But no offense, coach. Seriously. And nice tie. Seriously.

War Eagle, coach.

Let’s find as many of these type photos as we can… War Eagle.

*post-title is a Jimbo original…

** That’s easy to say right now…

Mid-morning update from J.M.

A night of fitful sleep did not help my outlook on this. Some of Chizik’s words this morning on his hire:

“Through my travels in coaching over the last 23 years, there’s one place that I’ve always wanted to return to and that is Auburn,” Chizik said. “The tradition of the Auburn football program combined with the passionate fans and their love for Auburn are second to none. My family and I are Auburn through and through, and look forward to being part of the Auburn family and community.”

Coach, if you loved Her so much, then why did you leave Her in the first place? For the same position at the University of Texas no less? It was insulting, baby.


You owe us some roses and a foot rub, Coach Chizik. Dinner with orange and blue candles would be nice.


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Chizik is the Ed Orgeron of the Big 12

By J.M. Comer

UPDATE @ 4:55 p.m. CST: Gene Chizik is Auburn’s head coach?!?!? This is what we were waiting for? says it is a done deal.

The best of luck to you, Coach Chizik. You had better hit the ground running. 1,000 miles an hour.

AuburnTron makes note of the situation. The Joe Cribbs Carwash too. Phillip Marshall at Auburn Undercover says it is “wrong.”

Iowa State head coach Gene Chizik is supposedly topping the list of coaches in the running to take over the Auburn University football program.

Gene Chizik, a former defensive coach at Auburn and Texas, was 0-8 in conference play this year in the Big 12 North. Think about it: He’s like the Big 12 version of former University of Mississippi head coach Ed Orgeron, who didn’t win a game against SEC opponents last year, also finishing conference play 0-8. Orgeron was then fired.

Seriously? Chizik is who Auburn wants to hire to replace Tommy Tuberville?

Iowa Iowa St Football
Ronald McDonald’s rich uncle grasps Gene Chizik.

Coach Chizik has a 2-14 record in Big 12 conference play in two years.

Please see the records of some of the teams that Chizik lost to!

Losses in 2007: Kent State (3-9), Northern Iowa (11-0, Division 1-AA), Toledo (5-7), Nebraska (5-7), Texas Tech (9-4), Texas (10-3), Oklahoma (11-3), Missouri (12-2), Kansas (12-1).

2007 Wins: Iowa (6-6), Kansas St. (5-7), Colorado (6-7).

Losses in 2008: Iowa (8-4), UNLV (5-7), Kansas (7-5), Baylor (4-8), Nebraska (8-4), Texas A&M (4-8), Oklahoma St. (9-3), Colorado (5-7), Missouri (9-4), Kansas St. (5-7).

2008 Wins: South Dakota State (7-5), Kent State (4-8).

Gene Chizik, as a head coach has beaten ONE team with a winning record: the South Dakota State Jackrabbits. Unbelievable.

Chizik has 18 losses for his two seasons at Iowa State. Ten of those losses were to teams with winning records; eight losses were to teams with a losing record.

Chizik’s signature win was over the University of Iowa in 2007. That Iowa team finished the season at 6-6.

Also please see this column today on ESPN. Here is an excerpt:

A Dallas Fort-Worth radio talk show host claimed that he had been told by an Oklahoma State assistant coach that Chizik had told him he regretted taking the Iowa State job and was more happy winning games as Texas’ defensive coordinator.

Chizik doesn’t have the stomach to be a head coach, according to this claim.

I don’t think I have the stomach either: I’m going to be sick.


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Amen…Pull the trigger, JJ…

From Auburntron

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Merry ChristMus?

The hottest latest indicates this sign could … could … double it’s irony … or its irony could reverse field …  sometime today…

I was so proud of my feral skepticism towards last year’s ‘done deal’ newscasts from Arkansas, but they were reporting a nonsensical, lateral-at-best move for Tuberville.

This would make a bit more sense.

And despite the sour taste the boggle-the-mind, fly-by-night, dash-dash-dash (taste Will’s Jan. 2 prediction again for the first time!) departure left in the mouth of my heart, despite my Gill thrills (but man, I’d be all about him), I’d be kinda all about it.

Just because, you know

UPDATE at 7 a.m. CST: Check out what WSFA 12 of Montgomery is “reporting” (I’m putting it in quotes because they are writing about a weak rumor at best):

MONTGOMERY, AL (WSFA) – The WSFA 12 Sports team has learned that Auburn University may be close to offering its head coaching job, and that person could be South Carolina’s Steve Spurrier.

The “may” was in bold on their site. Click here to read the rest.

Remember a TV news station in Arkansas last year was reporting from “sources” that Tuberville was the next head coach of Arkansas. This time we have a “source in the coaching profession.”

UPDATE at 10:45 a.m. CST: Evan Woodbery of the Mobile Press-Register just got a statement from Muschamp:

“I have not interviewed for any jobs. I’m not interested in any jobs. I’m happy here, my family loves Austin and I’m going to be at Texas.”

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“No, no … this is important….”

A little more distraction from the ticklish, picklish rumor cyphering and peculiar logic of the coaching search, which Auburn fans, unlike those of most other SEC schools, have never had to endure under the full, blogtastic weight of the internet.

This is what it was supposed to be like. AUTiger96 was going to weave it into his seven-in-a-row highlight montage. The eye roll in her voice, the ‘duh’ nonchalance, was going to say it all. Seven in a row. Expected. Done deal. Take it to the bank, Ol’ Blue Eyes…

Put it all on ’09 …

(and special thanks to AUTiger96 for the actual work… he only had one video this year – that says more than anything really… and though I’m still, at present, a Gill man, if it’s coaching rumor and primo rumor analysis you want, head to Jerry’s…)

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After the Mountainjeers fall silent …

By J.M. Comer

I’d like to take the time, as a diversion, to revisit my experience as an Auburn fan visiting Morgantown, W.Va., in October for the first ever Tiger-Mountaineer meeting.

I hope that at this point, as the “Season of DEATH” lies smoking in ruins, that this observation will not be seen as sour grapes.

In fact since I moved to the mid-Atlantic region and before this season’s meeting of Auburn and West Virginia, I’d always rooted for the Mountaineers (the reason is sort of like the way I relate to people from New Jersey) — because people from Alabama, like West Virginia and New Jersey, seem to be the butt of jokes. People turn their noses down on us all. I can sympathize and relate to our shared regional plight.

I met three awesome Mountaineer fans. That’s it. Please see the photo below for one such awesome fan.

Big Sexy gives a Mountaineer superfan a little taste of the tiger before the game.

Superfan (not the real school mascot Mountaineer! He made the getup himself) drove down from Pittsburgh to see his team. I didn’t ask if he killed a beast, skinned it and tanned his own leather for the costume. He was kind enough to pose for countless photos. He was sharp as a tack. He had witty retorts. Auburn fans shared beers with him and I’m pretty sure that an Auburn fan sold or gave him a ticket because he was sitting in the visiting section once the game started. I can’t say enough good things about this dude. Learn from the master. He will lead you through the wilderness. A true Mountaineer.

Another great Mountaineer fan, around the age of 50 or so, and his wife asked about the whole “War Eagle” thing. He sat in a Jeep, wearing a black beret and drinking a tall Miller Light. We went back and forth in our pregame predictions and left smiling. A good guy.

Another older Mountaineer gentleman in his 70s stopped us and asked if we were finding our way around all right. He gave us directions to a restaurant that the Auburn Alumni Club was gathering. It was still daylight at this point in the evening. I think this older gentleman feared for our safety, glancing nervously over our shoulders at the setting sun. I think he wanted to warn us of what we were in for. Like the folks at the “Slaughtered Lamb” said:

“Boys, keep off the moors. Stay on the road.”

So to those three people, I thought I’d tip my hat to you. Thanks for being courteous fans.

Also, the Mountaineer fans in the stadium were an impressive sight. We, as Auburn fans, could learn a few things from their enthusiasm. It looked like every man, woman and child wore yellow and stood the entire game. West Virginia’s first-down cheer is fun to watch and it seemed everyone in the place took part (and believe me, I got to see it in action a lot). In sharp contrast the Auburn woman behind me in the stands (she looked to be in good health) asked me not to stand so much when Auburn was successful. She couldn’t see because she sat on her ass the whole game. I decided to move, I was so pissed off at her request.

I’m sure that a football game in West Virginia is the only show for miles around. People get INTO it. They blow off some steam.

But I have to offer criticism. MUCH CRITICISM: To the other thousands of fans that offered us the “creative” greeting of “Fuck you” (I thought it was your team’s official university-sanctioned cheer since I heard it so much) that acted like they hadn’t seen a real woman in years (I guess they are hard to come by in that shitburgh town you call home), if you are fortunate enough to come to see Auburn play and beat your team next year, please take notes on how a visiting team is treated at the Loveliest Village on the Plains.

I know that most will say, “That’s the way visiting fans are treated all over. You bought the ticket, take the ride. Haven’t you ever visited Baton Rouge or Gainesville?”

I have visited Gainesville as a visiting fan. I plan to visit Baton Rouge someday. At night, if I can. I’ve seen both sets of fans in Auburn and never seen the sort of stuff that went on that cold night in October.

Auburn has a history with the teams of the SEC. There is a rivalry there. Fans are passionate when rivalries are involved.

This year, Auburn played West Virginia FOR THE FIRST TIME EVER.

Also, THERE WAS NOTHING AT STAKE in the game. Both teams were limping into the contest.

My conclusion: I know its been said many times before, I think West Virginia fans are just assholes, by and large.

But why? Is it a chip on their shoulder? It can’t be because of Auburn’s stature in this particular instance. The past few years the Mountaineers have been just as successful, if not MORE successful than the football program at Auburn.

Did the average Mountaineer fan see the Auburn fan as some blue-blood visitors? If so, they are very mistaken. It was a match up of a historical agriculture school vs. a school built from coal mining. Both schools are a lot alike. (Their fans? Not so much.)

Is it an SEC vs. Big East thing? Maybe. Mountaineer fans, were you representing the pricks of your conference that night? You did a fine job if that was your intention. You beat us soundly on the field. Why the extracurricular activity?

My theory at this point is that Mountaineer fans have observed and adopted the antics and methods of Philadelphia sport fans (spend some time around a large group of Eagles fans and you’ll understand). Philly is not too far away to the east (over the mountains and through the woods and you are there). Are Pittsburgh sports fans the same way? It’s the closer city, but I really like most of the Steeler fans that I’ve met. And I love, love, love Pittsburgh. It’s a great town.

Another theory that I’ve got rattling around in my brain: The average Mountaineer fan doesn’t know any better. The mountain campus is very insular. It’s bred into them. “Son, don’t eat the whole pepperoni roll. Save half of it to throw at the visitors. You’ll make your old man proud.” Years and years of seeing the prickish behavior of their forefathers … it’s all they know.

Auburn fans, on Sept. 19, 2009, I implore you to take the ignorant West Virginia masses in arm as they visit. Please show them how to tailgate and how fans down South interact. It can be done with passion AND good humor. It’s the Auburn way. And after our Auburn Tigers whip the Mountaineers to a nothing more than an coonskin cap on a pile of animal skin, please show them no ill will as they file past to their cars. It will be a long drive home for them.

War Eagle!


Filed under Diversions / Investigations, Features, General

War EaGill

Mark at The Auburner nailed the obvious: War EaGill.


Tommy TurnerGill

Let’s Plead Gillty

Proven Gillty

Auburn Turner Overdrive

Kodi Throws Like a Gill

I’ll stop for now. I think it’d be great if it happend, for a lot of reasons. I think it’d be perfect, actually. I mean, it would so so yin Bama’s yang, it’s not even funny. It’d be perfect. But I’m behind whomever. Save for, duh, Nutt, good Lord… or Petrino…

War Eagle.


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Plenty more I’m sure…


Auburn gets permission to talk to Turner Gill…

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God Bless Us, Everyone

Please, Tiny Tim, please. Tear them apart. Do what you can do. Split them in two. Please.


Go Gators.

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