Tag Archives: Aubie

TWER Sez: Everybody Wants Some

By J.M. Comer

You people are horn-dogs. Horny, horny bastards and bastardettes (meaning the ladies, or is there another term? I forget).

And I love it.

Why am I saying these things? Well, you people prove my bold assertion week in and week out.

The streaking-Playboy-coed-swimsuit stories seem to always populate our top-viewed posts (see “Top Posts” at right-hand side below).

Perverts! Blinded by the power of sex! All of you!

But, in a bold move to glue more eyes to the electric sex of the Internets and give ’em what they want, we here at The War Eagle Reader offer … ahem … dim the lights please …

Remember those carefree fall days in college, rolling in the dead grass with Auburn cheerleaders? Sure, we all do. The cold grasp of the autumn air, and the smell of dead leaves and Lady Speed Stick always triggers images like this one for me.

Hot! Hot! Hot! I think two of them are making out in the left corner. Incredible. It’s probably best not to dwell too long on this photo. Something might short circuit. Isn’t your bible study class tonight? This photographer was in the right place at the right time. Pulitzer Prizes are won for such photographed moments.

Ladies, looking for a mysterious Auburn fan with passion? This grimace comes in two flavors: post-touchdown or mid-coitus.

TWER offers Tip #37 to all the playahs: Throw on your old, battle-worn Auburn ball cap; hit the party rockin’ it; and thank us later. To all the ladies: You cannot resist.

I’m hoping that this is the photo that bumps this post to the top. There is no way in hell it’s real. The tattoo is definitely Photoshopped on her and the Tiger in the background was clearly added too, but this is my ringer. I’m playing to the crowd.

Clearly, this photo is the real deal. Tigerwalkin’ Kenny Irons says, “Take my hand and I’ll show you pleasures you’ve never known.”

And finally, the tiger, the myth, the legend, Auburn Stud Numero Uno, Aubie. ‘Nuff said.

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Filed under Diversions / Investigations, General

An Indecent Proposal?

By J.M. Comer

So the final tallies are in for EA Sports’ “NCAA Football ’09 Wii Cover Mascot Challenge” and Auburn placed 4th with Bama coming in 9th.

The winner of the 2009 cover? The Michigan State Spartans. Whoop-dee-dang-doodle-doo.

But I have an idea. Please follow along with me with an open mind. What if Aubie were to share the cover with Alabama’s Big Al? What if Auburn fans and Bama fans issued a petition to the video game makers for combining the two schools’ votes, thus, pushing the tally over the top?

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Big Al has let himself go recently.

I know, I know. Some of you just recoiled in disgust. But I’m thinking of more of an Iron Bowl motif. And wouldn’t it look dynamic to have the rival schools facing off on the cover? Wouldn’t this move help out sales of the game (listen up EA!) by appealing to two fan bases instead of one? Of course, as a starting point in the Auburn-Bama petition negotiations, I would suggest that since Auburn received more votes than Bama, that Aubie should get three-fifths of the Wii cover, or Aubie gets the upper hand in mascot high jinx, or Aubie gets to stand in the foreground, raising a number 6, as Big Al sulks in his two-fifths of space. Just random, unbiased thoughts.

Can we put together an online petition? Can we span the Auburn-Bama blog and fan divide to push for a bigger cause … a bigger, nerdy, video game cause?

I’m throwing it out there. What are your thoughts about this proposal? Is there someone out there that frequents Bama blogs … an ambassador that can speak for Auburn blog/message board nation?

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Filed under General

Wii Wuz Robbed

J.M. nailed it, we wuz robbed. “Buffest Mascot?” — Did he also win “Greenest Mascot” by Green Magazine, or “Spartaniest Mascot” from Spartan Magazine? I’m sorry, but human costume mascots suck. Why not have an actually buff real MSU student dressed up like a Spartan… if you have any…

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You want a real mascot, a real man, a real show? Then you want Aubie. Screw the vote, you want Aubie…

Watch him here make fun of that nancy Syracuse Orange, teleport from blond to blond to blond, and then hop in a jacuzzi with some ’80s action. Wii demand a recount…

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Toomer’s Rumors and Boomers – 3.17.08

It’s a little slow right now. Spring Break. You can actually drive around town. You can get some stuff done.

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I honestly can’t remember where I got this picture, but it’s great. If you know whose it is, or if it’s yours, let me know and I’ll give full credit.

*** I slammed on the brakes in front of Anders Friday to let Tristan Davis cross the street. I rolled the passenger-side window down and when he stepped up on the campus-side curb I yelled “touchdown!” Alright, that I made up, but he did give me the “thank you” nod and we totally did “War Eagle” each other with our eyes. He seems to be walking fine. Also, I swear I saw the Snorg girl or someone very much like the Snorg girl at Mike and Ed’s yesterday.

*** Polls are closed on the Wii cover vote. J.M. pointed out that now, when you go to the page, and start through the motions, it lists the “current standings” and has Aubie 4th out of 10. But since the winner won’t be announced until Tuesday, the 18th, it makes me wonder whether the online vote is simply one component factoring into their decision. It’s either that, or they found some hanging chads and are counting votes by hand.

*** I’m working on a new idea for a series, nothing too special, but hopefully fun.

In the meantime, enjoy this bizarre but AUsome new rap…

R33se he ain’t, but War Eagle.

Happy St. Patrick’s Day.

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Filed under Toomer's Rumors and Boomers

POLLS CLOSE IN TWO DAYS – VOTE FOR AUBIE

You’ve got two more days, till Friday. Send it around, spread the word. Bama thinks they have a shot. They don’t.

Come on, right now.

And then watch this video, highlights from 1990. What a beast, what a beautiful beast. Thank you, Phil Neel. And thank you God…

Girls on Spring Break. Blow-up dolls. Getting arrested after performing at Yo-MTV Raps. Crowd surfing. Rescuing a girl from a burning Haley Center. If Nintendo saw this, it’d be over. He’d probably have his own game.

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Filed under General

Toomer’s Rumors and Boomers – 2.26.08

*** Highlights from the basketball win over Bama – my favorites being Quan Prowell’s tomahawk jam, Frank Tolbert’s Jedi pass to Rasheem Barrett after getting the ball stripped from him, and Lucas Hargrove’s suck-it bucket from 35 ft. out.

*** No Guarantee: Just prior to learning of an even more recent arrest of one of his football players, Alabama coach Nick Saban, in an interview with Kevin Scarbinsky, said that Tide player Jeremy Elder, accused of robbing two fellow Alabama students at gun-point, would be banned from any and all football related activity at the Capstone… for at least one year. Scarbinsky appears to be impressed with Saban’s pre-trial sentencing of Elder and seems to shape the piece so as to herald, 8 arrests after his arrival, Saban’s new zero-tolerance policy for criminality:

“No meetings, practices or games. No football-related activities at all. And no guarantee he’ll ever suit up for Alabama again.”

Only thing is, it seems unlikely any edict from Saban would have anything to with it.

This is not some victim-less DUI charge — Elder has been charged with, and reportedly confessed to committing, a Class A Felony, which, when committed with a firearm, carries a punishment in the state of Alabama of “not less than 20 years.”

If Saban is open to the possibility of Elder’s innocence, even in light of his confession — and judging from later quotes in Scarbinsky’s piece, I doubt that — but is preemptively giving him the “at least a year” treatment to look tough for the media, well, that’s kinda screwed up. Is he unaware of the magnitude of Elder’s situation? For 26 bucks, the kid will likely be locked up for several, several years and therefore quite unable to play college football next year, the year after that, and the year after that.

Or is it that Saban is counting on a far lesser punishment for Elder, who is only 19, if his attorney wins him youthful offender status? If so, does that mean that, by the sole virtue of a technicality in the legal language, someone like Elder, after all this, could still have a place on Nick Saban’s football team?

Am I missing something, or is Saban?

We shall hopefully find out at this afternoon – the Nicktator has called a press-conference.

*** More vigorous urging to vote for a certain someone from testosterone-rich TWER reader Michael Ingram (thanks Michael):

Gentlemen,
As any living-breathing digitally-aware testosterone-rich man-child knows, EA Sports owns the wildly successful “Madden NFL” game franchise. This game is played on just about every platform – from PS to XP. But for those of us southern-bred, hard-core college football fans who hold at least a moderate pustule of venom in our heart of hearts for professional football, we secretly prefer the “NCAA” version of this popular franchise which features college teams.
EA Sports moved carefully into the new platform arena of Nintendo Wii with only Madden NFL. The Wii features a dynamic motion-sensitive controller that favors user-action over frenetic button-mashing. The Wii console is made famous by the legendary reports of over-excited folks flinging their “Wii-motes” through their television screens during game play. Madden for Wii is played through motions which simulate passing, tackling, and spinning.
Alas, for the hard-core college fan, there is no NCAA-version featuring the opportunity to sack Tebow, or replay the 2007 AU-GA Black Death.
But hold on, sports fans! EA Sports has just announced plans to release the NCAA franchise on Wii. But the really exciting news is that they are looking for a mascot – one mascot – to feature on the cover of every single game. So, while the long-lasting NCAA franchise (reaching back to the late 90’s) has never featured an Auburn icon, now there is a chance to promote Auburn’s best-known: AUBIE.
Follow this link, and vote daily for AUBIE:
War Damn Eagle!!

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Filed under Auburn Basketball, Toomer's Rumors and Boomers

Toomer’s Rumors and Boomers – 2.21.08

*** Time to vote for Aubie again, this time so the ol’ boy can be the cover boy of EA Sports NCAA ’09 Football for the Nintendo Wii. Only once a day, yeah, yeah…

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*** What Not To Wear, Bama-style: So first, it’s reported that poor Jeremy Elder was wearing, yes, a houndstooth-style Bama baseball cap while allegedly robbing two fellow Alabama students, who identified him by viewing security camera footage from, yes, Bryant Hall… and then their Singing Day Trophy Wife, testifying in a murder trial, takes it up a notch of bizarre by showing up to court in an Oklahoma sweatshirt — as in Sooners (but it’s OK, say Bama fans – he reportedly had a Bama shirt on underneath).

jjsweatshirt

Overall, a pretty ferosh week for the Tide…

*** Aww hell no, Tuberville to Arkansas!

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Filed under Toomer's Rumors and Boomers