Tag Archives: Quentin Groves

Dreams on the eve

Last year before the Iron Bowl, Chris Shelling Jr. told me he had a dream (he has Iron Bowl dreams every November).

In this dream, he stalked J.P. Wilson on Tuscaloosa’s campus. He followed him to the bathroom after class. He handed him a pillow and told him he should take it with him to Jordan-Hare, even carry it out on the field for Bama’s first play.

“Why,” Wilson asked.
“So you can bite down on it while Quentin Groves is…”

Last night, I had a dream. It didn’t have as silky a narrative as Jr.’s but I want to think that it’s fairly poignant, even if for the mere fact that I dreamed it at all.

It was the first game of the 2008 season. It wasn’t on TV, and being in Texas I couldn’t see it on pay-per-view — only that first game was, somehow, the Iron Bowl. And somehow, somehow, The Corner of Wire Road and Shug (which has really been rockin’ it lately) had some pirated game-tracker that included live video, and so I’m watching and we score in four plays, the touchdown coming on a 30+ yard straight ahead, head down barrel run by Eric Smith! He took it from the quickest shuffle pass ever from Chris Todd who was actually under center, he just pushed it like a bullet over to Smith on his right, and Little Rudie just never slowed down. Watch for this.

I woke myself up with a “War Eagle.”

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Comment from “Cousin Clem”

By J. Henderson

My apologies to Quentin Groves. Not that I’m totally to blame, but, by possibly lighting a fire under a certain Clemson freshman, my New Year’s Eve post may have cost him the record. I mean, I don’t know, I honestly wasn’t paying that much attention to their specific match-up, but this comment came early this morning and I’m pretty sure it’s legit.

cousin-clem-1.jpgP.S. The Cousin Clem line, as I hoped the link would indicate, was a reference to Clemson, the team, as a whole… well, I mean, I guess it would logically boil down to imply Hairston alone were he the only member of the team, so in that sense I sorta did call him Cousin Clem, but of course he alone really wouldn’t be a team, but whatever, you get what I’m sayin’… coincidentally, I actually have a cousin who will soon be at “Clem.”

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Demonic, Demonic, Put Your Hands All Over Cullen Harper’s Body

By J. Henderson

quentin-groves.jpgIt has not, no it has not, been the season we wanted for Quentin Groves. Though I myself do not include his admitted distractedness in pursuit of the Auburn sack record, which I think some have misinterpreted, in the discrepancy between our lusty pre-season thoughts of quarterback carnage and the real time gridiron reality, the fact remains that, statistically (only three sacks) 2007, was not his best. Of course, generally speaking, this could be said of many a marque Auburn player, for various reasons: Brad Lester, Tristan Davis, Tray Blackmon, and Brandon Cox, just to name a few. But it seems especially so in Grove’s case. Jerry at the Joe Cribbs Car Wash best sums it up in his wish-list for the Clemson game:

“[I wish] that Quentin Groves finishes his career with one his patented sack-and-strips. It just hasn’t been the bed-wetting-terror-inducing year we all imagined for Groves, has it? From the “Oops, I wasn’t playing the run” admission to the dislocation injury to being denied more than a few memorable sacks by random last-second throwaways (Tebow still owes him one***) to the record hanging around all season like the last guy to leave the party, it’s seemed like if it hasn’t been one thing for Groves, it’s been another. It’s too bad, what with Groves being a likable guy who could have gone pro after–even more importantly–serving as Auburn’s runaway MVP in the 2006 Iron Bowl. A flashback to those heady days (or even to the kickoff of this season) would be nice even if it wasn’t so richly deserved at the end of yet another killer Auburn career.”

But it wasn’t all wistful, and the season was actually sandwiched with aesthetic glory – the first game heroics against Kansas State (which were grafted into the pre-game tunnel video in, I think, record time)…

… and his maestro moment, the conducting of the Auburn Schadenfreude Orchestra in the best Rammer Jammer ever, to conclude his final home game and Iron Bowl.

And now, with one game left, and with Groves currently tied with Gerald Robinson as the all-time Auburn sack leader (26), it appears that the Lord might be throwing him a bone (or some bones), as Clemson’s starting right tackle, senior Christian Capote (great name), is academically ineligible to play in the It’s-Not-The-Peach-It’s-The-Chick-Fil-A-Bowl.

Groves will instead face freshman Chris Hairston in his first career start.

I don’t want to jinx anything, but Chris, I do want you to know something – I want you to know the full name of the man hellbent on making history right through you:

quentin-demonic-groves.jpg

It’s Quentin Demonic Groves. Look it up. That’s Quentin. Demonic. Groves. Quentin Demonic Groves will not be calling down the thunder on Christian Capote, he will be baptizing you, Chris Hairston, in the flames of holy Auburn hell. Just so you know…

No mercy, Cousin Clem.

Go for it Q.

War Damn Eagle.

[*** TWER Poll: Imagining yourself as Groves looking back, who would it be sweeter for you to have broken the record on – Heisman-winning Tebow (breaking a record on another record breaker, nice, almost had him), your publicist John-Parker Wilson (actually thought he had it – I’ll never forgive him for throwing the ball), or in your last college football game against Clemson QB and Brodie Croyle College of Football Analysis graduate Cullen Harper, who said that Tennessee Tech would have beaten Auburn had they not given up so many turnovers. Auburn won that game 35-3.]

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R33SE “In A Row” Rhymes

Not that he’s complaining, but it’s getting harder and harder for R33SE to rap about our Iron Bowl wins. His Jay-Z appropriation after last year’s victory was pretty awesome, but there are only so many things that rhyme with “in a row.” He tries to keep his latest fresh with some “Rammer Jammers” (undoubtedly inspired by watching “Quentin Grooooves”) but resorts in the end to shouting out his cell-phone number… which is pretty awesome in its own way. I’m looking forward to everything he makes out of “7,” should be a lot to work with — heaven, eleven, even Saban

His new stuff is worth checking out and I’m happy to see him being proactive towards scoring a live gig here in town. Lord, I’d be throwin’ my hands up, front and center…

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