E-Mailed ULM Review from Chris Shelling, Jr.

I like reviews of last Saturday’s game just before the upcoming game. A reminder of what was and the changes the week has brought. (For example, the minor clamor for Kodi Burns to be named our starting QB in the immediate wake of the ULM game, is now at least (supposed to be) temporarily moot due to a pesky 7″ gash. Chris Todd will be starting against Southern Miss and, as Jerry noted, he might play the whole game!)

[And Leonard Postoties Smart Pill Prediction Time: I say Todd lights it up like Desert Storm. FWIW quote from Lubbockite coworker who fondly remembers Todd from his Texas Tech days: “Man, once Todd starts, that other kid won’t have a chance…”]

This brings me to Chris Shelling, Jr. I’ve mentioned him before. Chris Shelling, Jr. lives, for the time, in Japan. No one knows more about the game of football or the game of life. And he’s only 16, a child prodigy, or wunderkind, if you will. He’s teaching Japanese children English, also convincing them, through the magic of YouTube, that he played / plays (?) for the Auburn Tigers. If I were Japanese, I’d believe him, too.

He’s yet to write an official post for TWER, but he recently gave me permission to steal his lines and quote him without credit (didn’t you?).

Here is a portion of a recent e-mail he sent me following the ULM game. I hesitate to post it for some of the language — afterall, TWER is a family blog. Rather, it’s a blog that family men read, family men that might not hesitatate to click on a British girl in her Auburn-shirt and panties (not because “hey, it’s OK, we’re guys,” but because “hey, it’s OK, it’s Auburn.”) but who might feel bad about patronizing one of these… blogs, they call them… featuring gratuitous eff-bombs. But wait! you say. What the eff, you hypocrite! Ah, but the Thom Gossom story was, obviously, literature. That makes it OK. And I was mostly quoting (as I am here.)

And besides, CSJ is an artist and I respect the hell out of him. I respect his opinion.

Here it is (with only one word omitted, out of pure personal preference, and whatever, none of it’s really bad at all):

i got the espn gameplan online. its hot. hot hot. so after watching the game and the replay (twice) there is no doubt in my mind that a) we will be fine and b) burns needs to be the qb (with cox#2 uh i mean todd getting a few snaps). kodi has the ability to out of nowhere go rembrandt on that ass. did you see the non-touchdown to rod smith. he was running backwards. it was like michael jordan hitting a fadeaway. there were times i couldn’t tell if he was flustered and running because he didn’t know what to do or if he was like, ‘fuck it the recievers can’t catch so ima bust out mah fuck lion.’ either way it was awesome. but we do need to get better. i think we ran about 10 plays all game and showed almost nothing. its the auburn way. quoth the robert dunn:

“I know what plays we can run and what plays the coach could have been running. On the defense the middle of the field was wide open. Anyone could see that. Just throw a post and we score a touchdown every time.

“We really didn’t want to open up the playbook much,” he adds. “We were up. There’s no need to pile it on. You’ve got to have respect for the game. If you’re up 28-0 or 34-0 there’s no need to try to hail mary the ball. Things like that get players hurt. We just kept it basic and simple. I don’t feel like we have any struggles.”

oh and eric smith, neiko thorpe, and pybus looked good. if we can find some super fast midget running back to compliment smith for the next few years we will be tough to defend. hmmm…

Family Man warning, turn this down, especialy half way through. And when he says “weak ass” you don’t have to respond.

defense – jamaican fast and… strong. bynes may be better than blackmon. blackmon should be at olb with stevens. johnson and harden can backup everyone. do it willis.

What do y’all think?

***

A quick update: my new and very real, real job is currently keeping it quite difficult for me to post much of anything at the moment. But that’s like, so the bloggers badge of honor, n’est-ce pas? Still, ah, mmmm, so much to write about.

Good news, however, is that I think I can, I think I can, I think I can get the game this weekend. The Buffet Bowl. Watch. Sit. Scream.

War Eagle.

Thoughts from the West Texas observatory – La. Monroe

Anonymous Flickr Auburn Fan mocks my handicap…

By J. Henderson

I promise I’ll soon shut-up about my expatriate acclimation, but allow me to say that while running out to the new neighborhood grocery store with my young’n just before kickoff to buy the Fritos we forgot earlier at Wal-Mart, and hearing the Texas Tech game (they won big) playing over the intercom, but then having my Dad call, holding the phone up for me to hear the eagle fly, fly, fly, me trying to keep the phone on my shoulder while holding young’n’s hand in the check out line, and then hearing the tinny, apocalyptic “hell, yeah, hell, yeah dun, dun, dun, dun, dun”-style pre-pre-game video as she said “Look Daddy, Auburn colors” to the M&M’s I just poured out for her before we hopped back in the van, well, allow me to say that I almost broke down.

It was all XM last night. The first I saw of anything that happened yesterday on Pat Dye Field was this wee-hour morning, I was the 45th view of Plainsgmail’s YouTubed ESPN 40 sec. highlight clip.

Listen to Holtz gush over Robert Dunn (and James? Jane?) — do you think The Auburner got to him? (They did make this, right?)

And speaking of The Auburner, then I found their highlight video. And it made me very happy.

Amazing, and thank you.

But now, knowing that I only heard, knowing that I wasn’t sweating my way back home through the steamy kudzu shouts of victory up Bragg Ave. after the game (oh mercy), but thousands of miles away in a computer chair, allow me my thoughts on Week One.

I think it says something, a good something, that a first game 34-0 shutout of any team, even (or especially) one bearing the psychic “remember what they did to… what if… ” gravitas of this year’s La. Monroe (though I was the first to predict a loss almost literally impossible because of said gravitas) at first seemed so disappointing, inauspicious even.

However, from my pathetic vantage point I don’t there is as much cause for gloomish alarm regarding the offense as text messages from the front (thank you Russell) made out. I won’t run through the stats and such (but a little something interesting was Rod Bramblett’s comment that by scoring his touchdown, Robert Dunn broke the nation’s longest no-punt-return-for-TD drought, it was our first punt return for a touchdown since 1996, seems almost impossible — and while we’re on the subject of Dunn, though my dreamy “watch for this” regarding a Todd to Smith shuffle pass to the right for a touchdown almost seemed / sounded to come true at some point in the 3rd quarter, I say we go ahead and award Jerry the Leonard Postosties Smart Pill Award for the entire year for his just before kickoff prognostication:

4. Robert Dunn is going to break a punt return this year.

End parentheses)…

Here’s the obvious:

Tony Franklin is obviously to be taken seriously when he waxes strategic on his spread wearing down defenses as we obviously got better in the second half, thanks perhaps to the much improved performance of the offensive line possibly resulting from, as Will notes, and Quentin Riggins reported, a lively exhortation from Tony the Tiger … we obviously should get the ball to Fannin more (guaranteed and instant five yard gain from first point of contact with defender), Ben Tate is obviously awesome, Antonio Coleman will obviously, tragically kill a man before December, and Paul Rhoads should obviously be pleased — his first coached play as Auburn’s defensive coordinator resulted in a touchdown, the first point’s of ’08.

As for the quarterback situation, it’s obviously as I, and most everyone, suspected, and as the handwriting on the wall said all along — total Voltron-style.

I, for one, don’t think this is a bad thing. I never have. Perhaps I don’t know anything, not one thing, but I can’t help but think that as long as (or especially if) Chrodi Torns (or, if you prefer, Khrisodi Burn-Stodd) is fine with it, it’s actually a good thing. I don’t think the purported, and yeah, logical, psychological benefits of lone leaderdom negate the potential for similar benefits / results from a dual-threat tandem. Nor do I buy into the idea, batted around by Q and the gang early in last night’s radio broadcast, that the revolving doorness of it all might be the source of Chrodi Torns’ seemingly stymied grooves. That might fly if Burns and Todd were switching places on every down, but surely not every series — wouldn’t a QB’s specialized biorhythms simply interpret the extra breathers as a sustained drive by the other team or a long CBS-style TV timeout? In fact, as my man Stan White countered, the system, as implemented last night, might theoretically enhance said (said said said) biorhythms, infusing them with the dopamine of competition. Or something. I don’t know. I just don’t think the quarterback rotation had much of anything to do with the early, very ’07-style offensive ineffectuality. I think that’s mistaking a symptom for the cause. I just think that, instead of one first-time-starting quarterbacks struggling in a a season opener, we saw two.

I don’t think that will last long.

My continued hopes however, oh yes, they last, they go on… because if the loitering hurricanes, the new coordinators, and the new offensive system haven’t seemed familiar enough to flood your veins with pangs of the eternal pangs and dreams of ’04, please to enjoy not only Will’s great recap of yesterday (and Jerry’s too! great!), but his included recap of 2004’s season opener against… La. Monroe.

Disclaimer: this is not by any stretch a prediction. But. Four years ago, I wrote this about an Auburn opening against… LAMO:

On the one hand, you’ve got a workmanlike shutout of (let’s face it) one of the worst football teams in the country. To their great credit, Louisiana Monroe’s players didn’t show a lot of give-up on Saturday, but they also didn’t show a whole lot of ability. Auburn substituted all the way into the scout team by the fourth quarter, and the closest LA-MO ever got to scoring was a couple of missed field goals. On the other hand…

Look, it’s obvious that the AU coaches went into this game intending to show future opponents absolutely nothing of use, and it’s safe to say that they succeeded. “Vanilla” doesn’t begin to describe the blandness of the formations and plays displayed on Saturday. Try “tasteless and odorless,” or maybe “invisible.”

… With that understood, there are still worries. Either La-Mo’s defensive line has gotten a lot better since last October (entirely possible; they were big and quick, easily the best-looking athletes as a group that the Indians fielded), or Hugh Nall still has a lot of work to do up front. Run blocking was hit-and-miss (sometimes literally), and pass blocking was downright bad a lot of the time. And don’t get me started on the reappearance of last year’s bugaboo, the dreaded slanting defenders. More than once, a friend sitting nearby said, “It’s a good thing they suck, or we’d be in trouble.”

I would also be remiss if I didn’t admit that Jason Campbell’s play was not encouraging. Whether by habit, design, or just happenstance, Campbell is still locking in on his first guy and not seeing open receivers down the field, he’s throwing behind the receiver too often, and his two turnovers were flat-out awful, the kind of stuff you expect from a freshman, not a fifth-year senior.

Sounds kind of familiar, doesn’t it?

Now, once again–not a prediction, or anything remotely like it. I’m not expecting, anticipating, or even wildly dreaming about a 2004-ish run for this team. But it’s still comforting, in an odd and nostalgic kind of way, that the best Auburn season in recent history also started against LAMO, and not with a bang, but with a “What the–?”

Now, in other news, I don’t know if you’ve heard, but Bama is back.

Toomer’s Rumors and Boomers – 7.15.08

By J.M. Comer

The War Eagle Reader offers a roundup of interesting stories, questionable opinions and great comments from other team’s fans about the Auburn Tigers across the blogosphere. Also included is a roundup of news stories of interest for your afternoon reading and dissection.

Let the Eagle Soar!

A collection of favorable comments and interesting articles from blogs and newspapers about the Tigers.

Ben Tate comes in at 21 in Gatorsports.com’s (The Gainesville Sun) countdown of the SEC’s 25 top players. (Gatorsports, July 4)

Columnist Wally Hall says “Include Tuberville’s Tigers in BCS title talk.” (Arkansas Democrat-Gazette, July 15)

Auburn’s Sen’Derrick Marks will write a weekly column for Sporting News Today this fall. (Columbia Tribune, July 9)

Picture me Rollin takes a look at Bama’s loss to Auburn in 1997, coming at #5 in his list of “The Worst of Times.” (Picture me Rollin, July 15).

Tigers Roar!

A collection of questionable comments from blogs and newspapers about the Auburn Tigers.

ALERT! ALERT! RAAAAWWWRRRR! RAAAAAWWWRRR! Pat Dye comes in as #2 as “Enemy of the Orange” (Syracuse) in Post-Standard columnist Brent “The Axeman” Axe’s list. He actually calls Pat Dye “a tool.” Sounds like the Axeman has an axe to grind. Somehow, I doubt Pat Dye loses any sleep over any Orange hatred. (Syracuse.com, July 11)

The Elephants’ Empty Bleat!

Tide Nation is talking loud and sayin’ nothing.

The Capstone Report has fun with prefixes and makes a sad attempt at coining the phrase “Aubsessed” and insults other Bama blogs by calling them “lesser.” Can we join in the fun too? We sure did “AU-bliterate” your team the past six years. We’ll be happy to “AU-blige” you with a seventh beating this year. (Capstone Report, July 15) …

… then CR tries to claim the “selling out all our tickets first” battle with Auburn. It’s just pathetic really. (Capstone Report, July 15)

BamaFootball4Life lets loose the lame jokes. (BF4L, July 11)

Ben Tate, Bard, Man.

“We wanted to show them that we were men and they weren’t.”

That last run by Lester will live forever. Got 12!

McSomethin’…. McRibs!

By J. Henderson

My daughter woke up screaming just before Arkansas scored their touchdown. My wife ran back there, my mom too, she was in town with my brother. But she wanted Daddy. It wasn’t the best of timing, of course, but at the same time, as the nitty turned to gritty on TV, I calmly sat back into the couch cushions and held and “War Eagle’d” my little girl with confidence. My Dad called from the game, he was their with my grandfather, nosebleed. I heard the “Soooies” and all that and I smiled inside at the thought of the Hogs soon-breaking hearts ’cause those Hogs were playing dirty. (I especially love Freddie Fairchild’s ironic insta-karma: after slinging Kodi “they’re booing him because he’s from Arkansas” Burns to the turf a mile out of bounds, Fairchild gloats himself into a Arkansas-bred brick wall named Lee Ziemba and falls down himself.)

And for that, I knew they’d lose. I also knew that they would lose because they were playing against the Auburn Tigers.

Sure, we were technically losing at that point, and sure, we should have beaten them by three touchdowns and sure, I’m… intrigued… by Tuberville’s post-game comments about his executive decision regarding strategy (… intrigued because it works. I was driving my brother up to Toomer’s and turned the radio up just in time to hear Coach Tuberville say something to the effect of “Yeah, if we’d opened it up a little more, we probably would have won by 14…” I got out of the car, shut the door, looked toward the whitening Corner, back to the radio inside the dark car, then back to the Corner and said, “he just said that didn’t he, how about that…”)

But I still knew we were going to win from the get-go – even cellularly doused with the rabid slobber of Fayetteville’s finest, I knew we were fine. You could feel it in the time of possession, read it in Ben Tate’s body language. And Foot Lauderdale would swig his coffee, kiss his wife and head out the door to Heroes Inc. yet again, like clockwork. Missed two already? I wasn’t worried. Not with that kid. Still, when Dad asked if I wanted to stay on with him through the kick, I said, nah, enough of that, I’ll call you at Toomer’s. And there he goes, kick is up, it’s good, put the baby back down. Night baby, War Eagle.

Byrum again, Cox again, Tuberville again, Borges again, Muschamp for Heisman. War Eagle. I’m so proud of these guys, this team.

We are going to pick LSU apart…. stay tuned.